T U N D R A

| chapter one |

Connor

I laid there staring at the ceiling. Something is wrong with me.

But when isn't there?

I'm ignored. Is it because I don't talk much? Is it because I had a single mom who killed herself? 

Right now, my aunt is downstairs yelling at my grandmother of who should take care of me now.

I clenched my jaw, closing my eyes as silent tears escaped from the corners.

Why'd she have to leave? 

What did I do wrong? Is it because I wasn't good enough?

I turned to my side, curling into a ball. No one ever wants to listen to what I have to say. Thinking as hard as I could, I thought of every relative that I have ever known, talked to, heard about. 

Then it hit me.

Jack. My cousin who lives in Alaska, basically shunned by our family because of past mistakes.

Slowly peeling myself off of my bed, I wiped my eyes before heading down the stairs.

The yelling faltered and eventually stopped when I slowly creaked down the stairs. As I met the bottom of the stairs, my elderly grandmother and my aunt looked at me.

Suddenly, sympathy shadowed their faces. I clenched my jaw.

"I know you guys are fighting about my living arrangements, but with all due respect, I'm almost eighteen. I'm not the same six year old when dad-" I cut off my sentence, looking towards my feet.

"I should pick and decide these things that would be life changing for me," I finished, looking up boldly.

"Honey," my grandmother started, "you're going through a lot right now with your mothe-"

"I should decide these things. You have grandpa to worry about," I said, cutting her off.

"I have no problem taking care of you," my Aunt Bell spoke out.

"Please," I said, my small voice almost breathy, "you have three teenage boys to take care of as well. I have someone in mind."

They looked at me with identical puzzled looks.

"Who do you have in mind?" Aunt Bell asked.

"Jack. I don't see a proble-"

"Jack left on his own. You don't need to follow in his footsteps," Grandmother automatically stepped in.

"Grandma, I don't think you understand-"

"No, you don't understand, Connor. You're not going because we are not going to let him corrupt your future like he did to his," Aunt Bell interrupted me.

"What you don't understand is that I can't stand being in this house. I want to be as far as I can be from here. It sickens me every night, knowing that just across the hall, my mother, just days ago, was popping over 30 sleeping pills because she couldn't take life with me anymore. I'm not living here another day. Now, I'm going upstairs, and calling Jack. And neither of you are going to stop me. So, stop fighting."

Looks of shock covered their faces.

I'm surprised too, but I didn't show it. I turned and went back upstairs.

They were rightful to be shocked. I am usually one to stand in the background and do what I'm told. And I most definitely never spoke out. Never. 

Reaching my room, I quickly sat on the edge, roughly pushing my fingers into my hair. 

I felt overflown with emotions, but then feel nothing at all.