Yuzuvier Thoughts

Why Am I Crying? (Javier)

She hugged and kissed me after what had happened. I hated that. At the moment when Yuzu almost kissed me I realized that maybe I'm in love with him. And then, she, Miki, entered the room and stared at us. I told her, it was nothing and I pushed Yuzu away. I have no idea why I did it. I just did it. I hurt Yuzu, the that one I love the most. Maybe that was one of my biggest mistakes.

From that moment, nothing was the same as before. Yuzu was avoiding me, every time I wanted to talk with him, he find an excuse to left me. I hated that. I hated what I did to him. I hated Miki. But I hated myself the most for hurting him.

From that moment, Yuzu wasn't the same as before. He became quieter and rarely talked to anyone, including me, of course. In skating, maybe he became better, there were more emotion in his performances than ever but they were all full of sadness and suffering. I caused this. Yuzu became like this because of me. I hated that. Why do things have to be that way? Why the fuck I did it?

I told Miki that it's over. She didn't understood me. She asked me, why. I didn't answer her. I just could't say it out load. Not to her, just to Yuzu.

I want to tell him that I'm in love with him. That I fell in love with him from the first sight, I just haven't realized it. I have to tell him. I want to be with him. I just desperately want to be with him. I want to make him happy, I want to make him laugh, not to cry. I want to hug and kiss him like I've never did before.

Every time I look at him, I feel so ashemed because of what I did. I just can't say it enough times. But I want him to know it. I want him to know that I'm sorry and I love him.

Why am I crying? Why does he crying? Love. That's the reason. Fuck that. Fuck all of that.