Chapter 1

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-------------------------------------Zayn's pov---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey there. Well I guess this is my first time writing in this journal thingy. People say that you should use them to express yourself and tell the ones who love you who you really are. But the thing is I don't have anyone that loves me. Its true and don't even think Oh Zayn you're being dramatic!

You want proof...well if you have ever seen what my body looks like then you would know what I'm talking about. Everyday my father abuses me. Why?? He blames me for my three sisters and my mothers deaths. Almost five years ago my mum and sisters went out to the store to get medication because I was home sick with a fever of 103 degrees. On the way back home they were crashed into by a drunk driver. As soon as my dad came home he punched me it the gut, face and ribs until I was black and blue.

To make matters worse at that time I was also being bullied for...I really don't know why I was/am being bullied. It might be because I'm a gay worthless faggot who everyone wishes was dead. Trust me I have tried to kill myself a few times but something always goes wrong.

The scars on my arms and thighs prove that I'm nothing but ugly. I cut, burn and starve myself and no matter what no one seems to love me. What's wrong with me???

-Z

The bell for homeroom rang but I didn't bother moving. What's the point. No one cares. And with that thought running through my head I reached into my bag that was on the floor next to me. After a bit of searching I pull out my blade. I roll up my left sleeve and gently place the blade against my tanned skin.

I add a bit of pressure as I slice across my skin. Thank god that Niall, Harry, Louis and Liam aren't here to see me sink this low. You probably think that those four lads are my mates...but you are so wrong. They are the worst bullies that I have. They turned the WHOLE school on me.

We used to be the best of mates until after my mum and sisters died. I didn't tell them what happened to my mum and I didn't talk to them about what was happening with my dad. I distanced myself from them and it came back to bite me in the bum.

Finally the bell rang for first period. I got up, gathered my things and rushed to math. I hoped not to get any attention. Sadly I have Louis, Liam, Niall and Harry in my math, English and music classes.

I walked into math with my head down so no one would notice me. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt myself being tripped and falling face first into the floor. I turned around and saw Liam, Louis, Niall and Harry smirking. I quickly got up and moved to my seat in the back left corner.

------------------------------------5Th period English-------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked into English slowly. My ribs were really starting to hurt from when my dad beat me yesterday. And to think I have gym 7th period before my last period music class. I wish I could go home early saying that I'm not feeling well, but I can't because tonight my dad is working the night shift.

"Okay class settle down please" commanded our teacher Mrs. Pearson. She's the only person that knows about what I go through. I made her promise not to tell anyone what's happening because I'm afraid that my dad will come after me so bad that I'll die. Mrs. Pearson lets me stay at her house when things get really bad. Almost to the point where I can't walk.

"Today I'm going to be paring you up into groups of five for a project we will be working on. In this project you will write one page about each of the members in your group. And for those of you who still don't know math that's four pages total." explained Mrs. Pearson.

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