364 days.
6 hours.
13 minutes.
52 seconds.
Sometimes I sit down and think about James. Sometimes I stand up and think about James. Sometimes I walk and think about James. Sometimes I think about James. Occasionally, I don't think. Right now is one of those rare occasions.
20 seconds.
Maybe it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't such a pussy. Perhaps it wouldn't have happened if I didn't say no.
1 second.
People always used to tell me that other people aren't necessities and that the only thing I really need is water, food, and air. It's comical, really. After thinking I've loved someone and having him ripped away from me, he has become my air. Possibly that's why my chest hurts so much when I hear his name or sense the smell of his old deodorant or eat his favourite food or listen to his last mixtape or see an E-cigarette or when I just am.
12 minutes.
I just am.
32 seconds.
I've also learned that you don't need to breathe and sometimes holding your breath until you feel like your chest is going to implode hurts less than breathing. Sometimes crying until you can't breathe hurts less than living. Sometimes screaming until you can't breathe hurts less than dying. Sometimes it hurts less. I'd rather be empty of the poisonous oxygen that dilapidates my bloodstream then be empty of him.
Mostly, I just wish I was empty.
11 minutes.
40 seconds.
"Carlos! Carlos look! Carl, I'm a bird!"
10 minutes.
22 seconds.
"Push me higher! I can almost feel the clouds."
9 minutes.
44 seconds.
"No, come back. Keep pushing. Watch me fly, Carly!"
8 minutes.
37 seconds.
"You should be a bird too. I promise I won't let you fall."
7 minutes.
29 seconds.
"Shush! Stop fretting. I'll let you down slowly."
6 minutes.
55 seconds.
"Could you feel the clouds too?"
5 minutes.
11 seconds.
"If you tickle me I will never forgive you. Never!"
4 minutes.
43 seconds.
"If you don't take your ginormous hands off my sides I will ignore you for the rest of the night!"
3 minutes.
52 seconds.
"Of course I can't ignore you. You pulling those silly faces didn't help."
2 minutes.
22 seconds.
"I'd like to say you don't deserve my attention but I try to tell the truth at least once a day."
1 minute.
11 seconds.
"Just keep swinging. This time, try and taste the sky."
365 days.
0 hours.
0 minutes.
0 seconds.
YOU ARE READING
Hidden Dimples and Butterfly Wrists
Teen Fiction"You found my dimples and gave me butterfly wrists." Following a boy with stained pillows and cough riddled lungs exploring his relationship with a boy who possesses salty lips and shaky hands. TRIGGER WARNING
