My Thoughts.

Life

I am really afraid of life. I mean like my life could turn out good or bad, great or terrible.

I could end up with my dream job or I could end up as a drug addict. I could be living in an amazing house with no worries about money, or I could be living on the streets as someone to has to beg for money to survive.

I just for some reason have this feeling that maybe not everything in my life will go as planned. Maybe I won't do what I want to do in life. Maybe I won't be who I want to be in life. I'm really scared of that. I am really scared of just being average.

I don't want to be like all the other average Americans. The people who get out of highschool and go to college for a few years and then end up in some kind of office job. I don't want that.These people usually do not enjoy life, they always talk about how they hate their job, I have seen it happen. When I end up getting a job and starting my career I do not want to hate it.

The thought of hating my job honestly makes me want to cry because I know that it must feel terrible to have to do something for the rest of your life that you don't love to do.

My mother does not like her job, she has said it and I have seen it. She works in a hospital and she works so hard, my dad doesn't work (I don't want to get into why) so she brings home all the money. She's a CNA and she studied to be that but she doesn't like what she does. She always comes home sore because she has to run around and help people all day. She has said that she wanted to work in hospitals and stuff like that since she was a kid, yet she doesn't necessarily like her job. She works and deals with not being very fond of her job because she just wants to be able to support my siblings and I.

I don't ever want to end up like that. I don't want to not like going to work, I want to be able to enjoy by job and my career but I am afraid that I won't, that I will only be working to support myself, that my career choice will not actually make me happy.

When I have children I do not want them to see me hating my job, I want them to see me loving my job and I want them to see a happy mom.

I just don't want to end up as an unhappy miserable woman.