schizophrenia // joshler [completed]

one; ruby

josh lay silently in his bed, just listening to what he could hear. there were voices, telling him what he should do and who he should be, things like that. he hated wednesdays. those were the days when he had to go see dr. geller, his psychiatrist. it was only half an hour before he had to go to the office, but those were always the most dreaded half hours of the week.

the drive there was awful, and josh sat in the waiting room the entire time with a rotten sneer on his face. when it was finally time to talk to dr. geller, he trudged his way through the doors of geller's office.

"good afternoon, josh. how are you feeling today?" the shrink asked, keeping here voice as perky and happy as humanly possible.

josh rolled his eyes, plopping himself down on a chair and shrugging. "just the same as every day, i guess."

"josh, i can't help you if you don't tell me the truth."

josh huffed and shook his head. "fine. i'm doing well. i made a new friend. i met him at the city park when i was walking my dog. he's nice."

dr. geller nodded, taking note on a pad of paper. "what's your friend's name?"

"tyler joseph," josh answered with a smile, enjoying how he was able to talk about his new friend to his doctor.

"okay. and how does this 'tyler' make you feel?"

"happy. i mean, he helps clear up the voices a little bit and thinking about how he smiled helps with the anxiety. i don't know, he just calms me down, relaxes me," josh finished with a huge grin.

"i'm glad to hear that. making friends is a good thing, josh. especially making friends that are as calming to you as tyler is," dr. geller spoke with a soft grin, pushing her glasses farther up on to her nose.

josh nodded, grinning brightly. "i'm super happy to have met him. i even got his phone number so i can keep contact with him!"

"that's great, josh. now, how have you been coping with your panic attacks?" dr. geller asked, a reserved smile spread across her lips.

josh thought for a moment about the question before he was able to give a definite answer. "alright, i guess. they've been coming back regularly, like usual."

dr. geller nodded, writing her client's words down on her notepad. "and the voices?"

josh sighed, shaking his head. "they're always there, telling me what i don't want to hear. they're telling me to do things. sometimes like breaking a vase, and other times..." he trailed off, shuddering at some of the terrible words he would hear.

"it's okay, josh. you can tell me. i won't think you're crazy," dr. geller urged, straightening her black-rimmed eyeglasses.

josh heaved a large sigh, shutting his eyes. "they tell me to hang myself by the curtain drawstrings in my room. other times, they want me to slit my wrists, then my throat." tears welled up in his eyes as he spoke, a lump gathering in his throat, before he completely broke down into tears. he ran his fingers through his bright yellow locks, tugging at them. "i just want them to go away. please, take them out! take them out!" josh cried, covering his ears to block out the voices he heard, dashing hastily out of the office. he ran into his little brother, jordan's, arms, crying into his shoulder, leaving salty water stains on his brother's shirt.

dr. geller walked behind him slowly, frowning slightly. "i suppose this session is done already. i'll see you next wednesday?" she asked, directing the question to her patient as she tucked a piece of her auburn hair behind her ear.

laura, josh's mother, answered for her son gratefully. "of course, dr. geller. thank you. i hope this isn't taking too much of a toll on you."

"not at all, no need to worry about me. alright, bye now, josh."