Only Human

I miss you too.

'...I miss you too, you know'

Reading the notification as she walked through the hospital car park, Bernie stopped in her tracks. As much as it pained her to admit, it was the closest thing to verbal affection that she'd received from Serena all week. She understood, of course, that her other half had both wanted and needed the space to grieve but that didn't make it any easier. 'Can't really complain, mind' she thought to herself as she continued her journey to her car, 'I left her for a hell of a lot longer'.

As if on auto pilot, Bernie turned her car in the opposite direction and headed to the place she had come to think of as home. Anxiety had begun to kick in as she mulled over all of the things she both wanted and needed to say.

but I'm only human
and I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
I crash and I break down..

Serena had been acting very much human, and Bernie got that. God, she didn't think she'd cope half as well as what Serena had been over the last few weeks if the roles had been reversed. Sure, she had never seen herself as a perfect parent but she couldn't ever imagine going through what Serena was right now. What Serena was going to go through for the rest of her life. A choked back sob was all it took to confirm to Bernie where she really needed to be right now. She needed to be there with her. What felt like a lifetime later, she was reversing her car on to the small drive outside her partner's house, taking the keys out of the ignition and taking a tentative few steps towards the little red door.

One knock...
Two knocks...
Three knocks...

She heard the footsteps coming down the stairs on the other side of the door, and she even heard the sigh of Serena as she braced herself for an unexpected visitor. Stealing a small glance at her watch, Bernie gasped at her own stupidity. It was merely minutes until the clock would strike midnight and here she was about to impose on an already sleep-deprived woman's night. 'You bloody idiot. You stupid bloody fool' she muttered under her breath as the key on the inside of the door gave its final click in the door before slowly creeping open.

"May I come in?" She asked, her nerves dissipating. Bernie was relieved to be met with the shadow of a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For half an hour, they sat side by side on Serena's bed, pinky fingers intertwining and bodies gradually shifting closer and closer together. Both made many attempts to say the first words that needed to be spoken, but were overpowered by the desire to just... be.

"I'm -" "Do you -"

Of course, in their typical fashion, they'd both picked the same time to speak and Serena tried to muffle her giggles at the occasion so not to disturb Jason sleeping next door. "You talk, please." She pleaded with her blonde haired companion, turning ever so slightly in her direction.

"Do you understand just how much I admire you?" Bernie started slowly, not wanting to push too many boundaries too quickly, "in every challenge your life throws you, you respond to it with such class and dignity. I know how much you're hurting, although I can never say that I know what you're going through but despite feeling so much pain you still get out of bed every day. You're still a brilliant doctor, you're still an excellent guardian and carer for Jason and you still tie my stomach in knots from a single look across the room. I've missed you so much, Serena Campbell, and I'm not going to let you push me away any longer. I am in this for the long haul and we..." she took a deep breath, "are going to face the rest of this wicked journey together. I don't know whether this is the right time, but I don't know if there ever is one. I just know that for weeks on end I've been trying to convey to you just how much I love you."

Serena's fragile frame shook as tears streamed down her cheeks. The moonlight caught one of the drops and made it glisten silver as it rolled further and further down the increasingly thinning face. She wiped them away, one by one, with the back of her hand, willing herself to catch her breath and compose herself enough to reply. Bernie, meanwhile, had began to panic. Doubting whether or not she had made the right decision she loosened her grip around Serena's shoulder. Making her way to move, she felt her hand being grasped accompanied by a gentle whisper to stay.

She shifted them slightly down the bed, and lifted the covers from beneath them. Despite her own inappropriate state of dress, she knew that Serena would struggle to let her leave. Bernie lay flat on her back, her lover curling tightly in to her side. Breathing evened out, and their heartbeats were in sync.

"Bernie?" Serena mumbled, her words barely intelligible.

"Yes, Fräulein?"

"It is always the right time to tell me you love me, as long as you know that I love you too."

For the first time since the accident both women slept soundly in each other's arms with the promise of a more bearable tomorrow. Why? Because they now had the other to pull them through.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being the first to wake, Bernie spent the best part of half an hour watching the rise and fall of Serena's chest. It was the most 'at peace' she had seen her... possibly ever... and she planned on enjoying every second of it.

"I can feel your eyes on me" Serena tried to hide the smile that she felt almost guilty for wearing. She couldn't stay guilty forever, she mused.

Pushing herself up on one elbow to get a clearer view of the army medic in her bed, she felt herself subconsciously leaning in to place a small kiss on the edge of her lips. "Thank you for staying" she whispered in to the small space between them.

"That," Bernie punctuated with another small kiss, "is something you never have to thank me for, my dear."