The Presence Of Aura

Her Secrets

                  My phone vibrates just as i was about to pull it out to check the time, jeez FML it's like 9:15 oh well it's not like my mom cares anyways she's always drunk. I always worry that one day she'll kill herself if she even goes outside, or just drowns in her own vomit...eww I don't want that image in my head. I look at the text from my mom it just says...

            Mom: OMG i thfenk  fat im duckl onj rhe, fqu i csant fuquet  

          Translation: omg I think that I'm stuck on the, f*ck I can't, f*ck it

           Wow just, wow. well at least I can decipher what she's trying to say my god how did it get this bad? After reading this i put my phone back into my pocket and start my journey home which is literally the apartment building right across from the park that I'm at currently. I take the stairs to the 5th floor because I'm claustrophobic, and really impatient, once I reach our apartment I take the key  out from the side pocket of my bag. Once I open the door the stench of alcohol burns my nostrils, it reeks I absolutely hate the smell because this smell holds so many memories that I hate.  I'm cautions as I make my way into the apartment taking my shoes off at the door as it closes behind me, it's dark but it's normal. I make my way to the end of the hallway to turn the stupid light on grabbing a magazine on my way, I can hear her breathing and her slow footsteps that stop once she's positioned herself, once I reach the end it's just as I expected. She comes at me using so much force in her punches and kicks, I'm prepared though I put my aura into the magazine, making it basically indestructible as long as I can hold the energy in it, the moment I felt the shift in the air. I use the magazine as a shield but it's surface area is a problem, so it's inevitable that she gets me a few times, she pushes me into our main living space which is the living room/ kitchen knocking over anything on either of the end tables. once she's pinned me to the wall just about to go for me again I quickly duck under her arm, grabbing it tripping her and twisting her arm behind her back as she falls to her knees she then takes a minuet to catch her breath. As her breathing slows I can feel her starting to pass out, thank the lord, my goodness such a pitiable person. I struggle to pick her up luckily she's kind of awake and kind of not because there is no way I'd actually be able to carry her to the couch. she can somewhat walk but she puts most of her weight on me as I guide her to the couch and help her get comfy.

          Finally I turn the light on, I sigh as I look at the damage knowing that I should pick it up so I start with the mail, vase, lamp, and phone that got knocked off of the end tables. I pick up the random trash that litters the floor and put it in the garbage bin. I pick up the trash from the table and bring the dishes over to the sink. After taking care of more trash I set to work on the dishes, once those are dried and put away I wipe down the counters and tables, sweep and vacuum the floors and no it doesn't wake up my mom because once she's out she is out and doesn't wake up until around noon. By the time I finish all of this it's just turned 1:00, after a quick look around one last time before heading to my room.

           I put a lock on my bedroom door so she can't get into it while I'm at school or any time I'm away, my room is nothing special just like the rest of this place it's nothing worth elaborating on. I head over to my bed and work on my homework I can't stand math, I don't like any of it the homework alone takes me about 40 minuets to do, but I love English and Biology the rest are just things that are there. Once I'm finished with that it's 2:36 so I turn off the light and get in bed, lying on my back I look up at the ceiling and count the stars, okay so there is one thing I like about my room which would be the childish glow in the dark stars plastered on the ceiling. It reminds me of when I was little, of the good times with my family all together we were all happy my parents would laugh and we would all play together.

      We all used to live in a nice home together by the beach it was always so warm and the grass was so green the air was fresh and the sunrises were my favorite. The view from the big living room window was indescribable, we didn't live near anyone, though we were secluded it always seemed so lively. This day.... I remember it perfectly it was summer I had gotten up early to watch the sunrise, sneaking around the house like the 6 year old I was, I was scared of being caught for some reason even though I wouldn't get in trouble anyways. I reach the window but I don't only see the sun starting to peek through the clouds but I see a man walking down the road which terrifies me, I stand there in the window knowing that something is wrong but I don't move. when he gets close enough to be able to see his face he looks up at me, looking me directly in my eyes and smiles such a sinister smile, such a frightful face I will never forget that face. After he looks up I race up stairs stumbling a few times to wake up mommy and daddy, I shake them urgently trying to tell them that there's something totally wrong with the man. They groggily open there eyes while I'm on the verge of tears, a sob tears through my quivering lips, instantly they're up and holding me asking me whats wrong I hiccup trying to tell them that there is someone scary outside.

         " th-there i-i-i-is a-a sc-scarry person out-outside!" I tell them crying even harder. Then almost as if he knew the doorbell rings and my parents share a look having a conversation but not speaking a word.

           "Alright I'll go check it out" my dad tells me giving me one last hug and an almost reassuring smile but I really just didn't want him to meet that man.

          "Okay," I say to myself immediately sitting up "that's enough of a trip down memory lane." Briskly I walk over and turn on the light then go sit on the floor leaning up against my bed, that happened 11 years ago, I just need to calm down. I pick up a pencil and start to infuse my aura with it, my dark blue aura slowly engulfs the pencil making it look like it's on fire but it's blue. the blue continues to deepen the more I focus then I throw it at the wall. It smoothly glides in like a knife cutting butter, it doesn't leave any extra cracks either which makes the corners of my mouth turn up slightly, but only for a moment. I sigh and lean my head back on my bed, looking at the white stars once again.

           "I just wish that I had listened to my gut that day and made him stay." I tell myself thinking about how I taught myself how to use my aura but only to an extent, how mom is still hurting, and is drinking so much too much , it scares me I just want her to try to get better. If he hadn't been so busy trying to protect me he would have been able to protect himself from that aura bullet, if I hadn't gone downstairs that day maybe, just maybe he would still be here smiling and laughing, teaching me about aura.

          "I miss you...' I whisper as I rest my forehead on my knees to think about the life that I might've had with all of us, to think about how I might not hate the sunrise, or coming home, how I might not know the strong smell of alcohol that burns my nostrils, how mom might be sober for more than 10 minuets. To think about the life that I would've had,  it's a lot, enough to bring tears to my eyes but I don't, more like I can't, I can't no matter how hard I try, I even try to squeeze them out because I know that I have to cry, but I just can't. For the longest time now I haven't been able to cry not unless I am actually,  physically crying with someone hugging me and I hate it because I don't have friends nor need them but it builds up and I just end up pissed off, I don't enjoy being so worked up all the time. I figured out the whole I need someone to be hugging me thing when one of the neighbors were drunk and started to drape themselves on me like I was some sort of coat rack, before leaving she gave me a hug and said sorry with such a huge slur but it triggered me to just break down and cry, yes it felt nice to cry but I hated every second of it, eventually she just got up and walked away and the crying stopped not even two minuets later. So I'd much rather be pissed off than have to show someone my crying face, it makes me feel awful when people see me cry I hate it.  

          My mom isn't a terrible one, she doesn't blame me even when she's drunk, she tries to make meals but it doesn't end well, she puts in some effort, that's enough for me to know that she's still sorata there. She's just lost, hurt, and broken, I'm not mad at her I don't hate her I just miss her. A lot....