I have a simple question for you.
Its - Are you the same person you were, say, two years ago?
if the answers yes, your kidding youself. If the answers no. Well, sorta obvious isn't it?
I'm totally diffrent from back then.
Back then. I was 12. I was a naive and quiet gullible. I had self confidence and I had self esteem. I had sanity and about 28% of a proper normal functioning brain. I wanted to achive three things in life. Become a fashion desinger. Drop Maths forever. Get a boyfriend.
Three of the worlds stupidest ambitions I ever had.
Back then I was sorta skinny, tall for a 12 year old, had the worlds worst grammar and spellings (and I don't think its improved much) was quiet stupid. I was friends with three people. A girl, and two guys. We were in the same school bus, the guys and I lived within 14 feet of each other house. The girl was about a kilometer away from our house. We hada football ground near our house and we'd go there everyday. I'd play football with the guys while the girl would sit threre and yell instructions at us.
It was my definition of fun.
When I turned 13, I was not so skinny anymore, I was still tall, but I became socially awkward and decided the fashion was supper shitty industry. So I dropped the fashion designer ambition and decided to actully do something with my life.
I use to read a lot. Still do. So I decided I should do something related to that. I endded up with 'Go to college, take a degree in English Litrature. Teach idiots like me' so I started working towards that ambition (if you could call it that) of mine and improved my English by actully paying attention to all the little details in books while I read them, like where the apostrophe was used, where the comma was used, when you could use caps lock and when you can't.
I also joined Tumbler: The World of Fandoms
Well, after paying so much attention to the grammar and the spellings and the style of writing, I decided I should read more and more, not really knowing that I read books only to learn different styles of writing.
I told someone (don't really remember who) that I loved reading Harry Potter and Hunger Games and my life started to revolve around it. The question I was asked most was "Did you cry when -insert and dead charecters name here- died?" I simply shook my head or somtimes say 'No'. They found that weird since I cry for everything.
I get angry, I cry. I get scared, I cry. I'm happy, I cry. Hell, I'm sad, I cry.
Crying was my go-to reaction.
My friends called me Potassium - the most reactive (the most reactive metal, but they didn't really care if it was metal or non-metal). So, back to the story, my cousin (yup, now I remember) asked me if something was different in my life. Like, diffrent toothpaste, new hair style, stupid pointless stuff. I told her my toothbrush was new and that i hated how hard the bristles (is that what you call those hair like projections on a toothbrush? I'm bad with words and over all expressing myself) were. My cousin said "Anything more important, like, I dunno, whaddya wanna be when you grow up?" I said 'Teacher or something'.
My cousin gave me a bizzar look and repeated the word teacher four times. I asked her if she was a broken tape recorder and then she started at me as if I gave birth to lion cub. "Are you okay?" she asked me two times. "Yes, why'd you ask me twice?" I said. "Because you've changed" she said. "No I havn't!" I said in a very defensive tone. "Yes, you have!" My cousin retoreted.
The conversation went on for over twenty minutes before my cousin said "You have changed, big time, and I'm coming over first thing tomorrow to figure it out!"
Well, what had changed was my relationship with my friends.
I wasn't friends with them annymore. And, for some weird reason, It didn' affect me much. I didn't seem to care. To me, not being friends with them meant more time to read. So I read more. My cousin figured that out when she walked into my room. It a small bedroom for a kid. 13 was technically kid and I like small rooms, not much to organise.
My study table, my bed, my wardrobe. Space to do ballet. A huge book shelf.
Okay, the wasn't that small, it was big but became small with all my crap filled into the room. All the free surfaces on any solid in my room had picture of my and my friends. After we split, I took all the pictures and put them in a file box an set it on the top of my book shelf with "PAST" in block letters on it.
My sister walked in, she saw how weird my room looked picture less. WE talked for over three hours and my sister decided I was crazy. I liked how she said it. "So, your not friends with your friends anymore. You guys know everything about each other and when your nine years of friendship with tehm endded you don't care? Little sister, I say this because I love you, YOU ARE CRAZZZZZZY!" is what she had said. She said this to me in Malayalam. An Indian langauge.
My cousin and I talked for over six hours after and well long story short, we decided both of us were crazy.
So.... Yeah.
I've got to go since my moms back from her evening walk and I'm supposed to studying for my Economics exam tomorrow. Dear lord. I'm going to fail that test.
I might continue this Vague Entry later or it might be one of those thing which stays unfinished.
If people like it, i'm sorry in advance if I don't feel like finishing it...
It seems quiet boring and I don't really think people are going to like it but her, writing random things on the internet is a lot better than cutting your self, it hurts a lot less!
Until next time, if there is one... Adios!
~Nattily Black.
This entry has no Spell or Grammar Check.
