I Really do Love Him... (Eremin)

   I wait for Armin at the bus stop.
   It's hot outside, and the bus should've been here two minutes ago; I shuffle a bit nervously, glancing at my watch again.
   7:33
   Three minutes.
   Mikasa would've told me to stop worrying... that, if the bus is late, it's late, and that it would have absolutely nothing to do with whether Armin was safe or not.
   But I still worry. That maybe something happened to him. That maybe someone robbed him, or kidnapped him, or... killed him...
   God no.
   I guess I've always been a little overprotective of Armin... I have my reasons, though. You begin to worry about someone not being by your side when, whenever they're not, you get to hear about them getting beaten up at school the next day. But now that we're not in high school anymore (God, that feels so weird to say. It's currently the summer after our senior year.), Armin has been trying to branch out a little more before we start college. Become a little more independent.
   "Eren, I don't learn how to live without you by my side all of the time, how am I going to survive? I can't cling onto you for the rest of my life," Armin had told me.
   I wish that wasn't true. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe I could take care of him for the rest of his life. I don't want something like that to ever happen to him again.
   So maybe that's why I was so reluctant to see him go on this date today. It's Valentine's Day, and he's been dating this guy for a couple of months now, but the asshole hadn't even offered to pick Armin up. Instead, Armin, who didn't have his own car and whose grandfather was in town, had to hop on the bus like a goddamn homeless person and hike his way up to this guy's house.
   I hope this dipshit's car has broken down, because if not, there will be hell to pay. That's the last thing Armin needs. To be mistreated like that. I guess there's part of me that says it's not that big of a deal, but there's also another part of me.
   One that knows I would've come picked him up.
   Driven him into town; bought him a few roses. Taken him out for ice cream. Or whatever he wanted. I know he likes ice cream. Mint chocolate chip with Reese's chunks on the top. So do I. But if he wants something else, we could try that, too. Even if it was something I hated. I'd still do it.
   Not that I want to be Armin's boyfriend or anything.
   I don't.
   He wouldn't be interested in me, anyway. Apparently, the guy he's dating is a cashier at Barnes & Noble.
   Jet black hair, thick-rimmed glasses, a quirky smile.
   A bookish type.
   Armin's type.
   I check my watch again. The minute hand hasn't moved.
   I was once told that I didn't have the mental stability to be in a romantic relationship, whatever that means. Maybe it's true. I punched a hole in the wall at school when I got angry. ...A couple of times. Armin was there. My parents had to pay for the property damage.
   I guess I also don't feel like I'm good enough to be with Armin. To be his friend, I mean. He's a little out of my league. He's smart. And gorgeous. Him dating me would be like an angel falling for a sea lion. And not one of the cute ones. One of the big, fat ones that sprawls out on the beach all day and never finds love.
   A lot of people would think a better analogy would be a tiny, cute, innocent little bunny falling in love with a timberwolf. I don't know. I think both are pretty accurate.
   Like I said, I don't even want to be with Armin.
   I'm just saying.
   He's my best friend.
   And that would be weird.
   Four minutes.
   I'd offered to drive Armin today, but he nervously chuckled and politely refused. I don't think he wants me to meet his boyfriend. Maybe he thinks I'd try to tear him to shreds. I probably would.
   I still insisted upon walking him home from the bus stop.
   He gave in.
   Five minutes.
   The bus finally arrives and comes to a screeching halt, and Armin tumbles out. His lips are pursed together into a frown, and his nose and cheeks, especially his nose, are red (a telling sign he's been crying).
   I stare at him for a few seconds. And I can feel my blood boil. But I know that won't help. Not right now. Maybe tomorrow, when I track down the guy who I hope is now his ex. But not right now.
    "What happened?" I ask. I quickly change my approach. "Do you want to talk about it?"
   Armin shakes his head.
   "Okay. Do you want to go home?"
   Armin nods.
   "Let's marathon the Hunger Games movies. Would you like that?"
   Armin nods again.
   We walk home together, and he stands far away. But I can still feel his presence. It's an indescribable feeling, and it always lingers in the air when he's around. I feel empty without it.
   I've been told that I'm the only person who feels this way around him. That can't possibly be true.
   And I've only felt it when I'm with him.
   "Thanks," Armin says softly, finding words for the first time since he left.
   I just nod, saying nothing.
   He reaches for my hand, and I take it in mine.
   And we walk like that. All the way back home. Hearing Armin's shoes hit the pavement is oddly soothing. And holding his hand feels nice.
   Armin represents something to me. I don't know what. Familiarity. Comfort, maybe. He's like a part of me; a much better part of me, one that doesn't punch in walls or scare young children.
   And I want this forever.
   Holding his hand, walking home. Towards comfort. Towards a better day.
   I want it for the rest of my life.
   Damn.
   I really do love him.