Just A Thought

Pretend

"Focus, Ruby."

It was Sapphire. Her voice shattered through my troubled thoughts. I wouldn't even call them that, honestly. But she does- and so I suppose that's what they are. It's funny, sometimes, over the crashing noises in my mind, only she is the clear bell that lulls me back to peace. Her embrace is the cool ocean water that washes over me, quells the fire, and keeps me level headed. Without her? I'd be nothing. Just another disposable Ruby here to do her job. Or, even worse, just another wasted gem cast aside and forgotten on this tiny little rock in the middle of the universe.

Here, alone, with her- I am something different. Something new. There's only one Ruby. I pretend that there aren't billions of other different pieces of me, born from the same rock. Almost identical. I pretend that our love wasn't an accident. That, if it weren't for pure instinct and dedication to protecting her- as a sworn guard- we would never have been together in the first place. More than I like to admit, I allow my emotions to get in the way of things. Anger, mostly. Why couldn't things have worked out smoothly?  

"Sorry." I mutter absently. I can see her figure stiffen and I feel a bit guilty for not paying attention to what she'd been trying to tell me. Something about channeling my anger and using it only when absolutely necessary.
I sighed, hot and heavy.
"Sapphire,"
She paused, and my voice caught in my throat, "Ah- nothing. Sorry. Keep going, I'm listening."
Her voice swallows me whole, keeps me centered and calm. I focus on that. For a moment.
Unfortunately, voice alone cannot keep invasive thoughts out. She tells me it isn't my fault, that Rubies are crafted that way- to constantly be a lit fuse, a ticking box of dynamite.

I tell her I don't want to be that Ruby.

Sapphire listens. Or maybe she pretends she does. I'm not sure which it is. We'll talk for hours, and she won't say much. But that's how it works. She sees something in me that isn't there. Courage? Bravery? Beauty?
I laugh when she compliments me, brushing it off with one just for her. It's better to focus on clarity, she tells me- and I smile. Of course it is.

I've slipped behind again, and I feel Sapphire's cold hand brush over mine. It takes me a moment to gather myself and look up, knowing our eyes won't meet. I briefly wonder what she's thinking about right now.

I smile, big and toothy, letting her know that I'm alright, that of course! This is helping me focus, and no! Sapphire, love, this isn't just a waste of time.
My hands cup her cheeks, and I brush the bangs from her face with my fingers, allowing the cool skin to steel my sizzling nerves.
Her gaze is soft and steady, reading my open expression like some sort of book. She knows I won't change just as well as I do, but for some reason that's okay.
Why doesn't she mind?
I bring my lips to her cheek, reassuring and gentle.

For a moment, we pretend that everything is fine.