Generosity's Benediction

Chapter One

Walking home always feels dangerous, but never quite as dangerous as it does now. My stomach protests every step forward, somersaulting backward and churning desperately. My body is practically begging me to turn around and go back to Kaito's house. At least Kaito is not bound to threaten me. No sooner do I think so than does a knife greet my neck and a hand smother my mouth.

"You make this walk a lot, darlin'," a gravelly voice rumbles in my ear. "Come here," he demands, yanking me roughly, the knife pressed firmly to my jugular.

Dizzying fear washes over my vision like a blanket of purply black. If I open my mouth, I think my heart burst out of it— it pounds so intensely. Shock allows me to exist in a petrified state. My hands ball into fists and my knees shake, but I dare not move of my own accord.

He pulls me into the bushes, swallowed immediately by the dimly lit shrubs and greenery surrounding the sidewalk. I find myself in a dark clearing, being pushed to my knees as the sound of a belt unbuckling joins the cicadas' song. I can hardly look up, look around. He lifts my dress and uses the knife to simply cut away everything left in his way. I hear the sounds of my protest surreally as if they belong to someone else. When I start to scream he brutally forces me quiet and warns me to shut up or else.

The sting of his blade ripping up my thigh as the rough warning is followed by an unpleasant hot ooze and rippling fires of pain. I scream again, only to be silenced by a heavy smack. I give way to dizzying hyperventilation. Terror fills my stomach as he gruffly pushes me across the ground.

Leaves and sharp twigs bite at my back.
Damp dirt mingles with my hair like sticky sap for shampoo. He lifts my dress again and, now exposed, lowers himself in position to take everything that is mine for his own greedy purposes. He holds the knife to my neck as he fucks, his presence thick and abstruse in my body. He's dirty, he's rough, he's not wearing a condom.

I violently struggle, kicking and writhing against him. He pushes the knife down, the sharp edge cutting into my skin.

"I swear I'll fuck your dead body— quit squirming."

I finally realize under the weight of all my crying and breathing that I'm helpless. I don't have even so much as a cellphone to discreetly dial for help. I'm going to contract all kinds of diseases, could become pregnant with this awful man's child, conceivably die anyway should he choose to draw the knife sidelong my throat after he gets what he wants. And he's getting what he wants.

Gratified moans begin to rumble from his chest, drowning the cicadas' song. The creatures of the night seem to pause and watch this foreign beast find satisfaction in fucking his bitch. He has dominated me with a simple knife. Indignation rises in my chest as a climax seems to rise in his.

The man is bigger than me. I dare not try to overtake him with brute force, because I would surely lose. If I could just get the knife off of my neck, he would be at a disadvantage and I could make an escape. Never mind retaliation and domination. I'm in no position for any of that-- I am just an animal in the wilderness at the bottom of the food chain seeking flight.

"Be a good girl and let me come inside you," the man grunts, interrupting my thoughts.

I push up on the knife with one sharp motion and yank my body backward with another. I am now six inches removed from his presence and I have about a half second to get to my feet and run. I kick him with all my strength in the chin to buy more time. I wipe the streaming tears off my face as I start running and screaming for help.

"Help!" my voice is strained, too quiet, and hoarse. "Somebody help me!" I scream, dashing up the sidewalk.

But I've lost him, he's not pursuing me. I slow my run to a breathless jog and dare to glance behind myself. The man is there, watching statically. After cursing and spitting at the ground, he crosses the road to a nearby lot and hops into a truck. He drives off in the opposite direction of my chosen path.

Relief and anguish and pain suddenly erupt in my body all at once. I was just raped. I've never been raped before. I got away in time, didn't I? Oh god, I was just raped. I collapse on the sidewalk, skinning my knees as I fall. I was just raped.

What do I do? Do I go home? I need help. I get up and turn around. I'm closer to Kaito's house than my own. I need a phone and I need a bathroom and I need a friend. Kaito will have the closest I can find access to any of that.

Walking feels awful. Shame greets every step. The street lights seem to illuminate every flaw I have and elongate them for everyone to see. No cars drift up or down the street at this time of night. I'm out past the town's curfew, but no policemen patrol this side of town unless they have to. Perhaps someone heard my cries for help and a policeman will roll up in his car eventually, but they take their time responding to a call up here. I have to assume I'm still on my own.

It's not long before I find myself under Kaito's roof again, tearfully explaining what happened. He does what he can, and he offers to drive me to the hospital. Shakily, I decline. There's no point, they won't actually help anything. I just need a ride home.

"Okay, but, Genna, you gotta start carrying pepper spray or a hand gun or something. You're too pretty and you're too defenseless," Kaito warns me. "Start dating a lawyer or something, while you're at it."

"As if they'd want to settle for a street rat?"

"Don't start singing Aladdin, okay?" He laughs kindly at my tearful retort. "You're not a street rat-- you're a...?"

"Walking sex toy?" I supply. "Dropout? Junkie? Criminal?"

"Generosity, you're a good kid with bad habits is what you are," Kaito shakes his head and motions for me to follow to his truck. "I have half a mind to stop selling to you."

"You like the sex though," I shrug, unworried.

"It's a shame you'll only give it to me in return for stuff you don't need," he counters, climbing into the driver's seat.

I purse my lips as I climb into the passenger seat.

"Yeah, well," I sigh, rubbing at my tears, "it's not like there's any hope getting clean at this point."