why are you avoiding me? - Ethan

Why are you avoiding me?

I closed the trunk lid and turned to Ethan. His eyes were filled with sorrow, I gulped. All I could feel was guilt. I took a look around the street, it was empty. It was just me and Ethan all by ourselves. "Ethan, I'm so sorry. But I kinda have to go.." I trailed off, thinking that it was a horrible explanation. "Hey, y/n... you don't have to be sorry, of course you have to go. It just hurts, that's all" he said, I nodded understanding. "Yeah, it hurts me too" I whispered and leaned against the car, Ethan crossed his arms. "But remember to let me know if you come back to New Jersey" he sounded genuine, I gulped. 'I should've told him' I thought, this will get even more complicated. 'Why the hell didn't you tell him that you are in love with him?' I shook my head, trying to get rid of the thought. "Yeah, I'll let you know" I breathed heavily, I always did when I was nervous. I pulled out my phone from my pocket and looked at the clock. It was time to go. "Uh...mmm" was all I managed to say in an attempt to say goodbye. Ethan understood what I was trying to say, since he nodded. He pulled me into a hug out of nowhere, I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding him close. All I could think about was, 'I'm not going to see the person I love for more than 4 years. And he doesn't even know that I love him, that's why it hurts even more'. I quickly pulled away, not wanting to get close to him, I was afraid that I would blurt something out, like 'I love you'. He looked hurt, he then sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Bye" was all I said as I walked to the car door. "Promise me something?" He asked, I nodded. He looked down at his feet, "promise me, that you won't turn into one of those college girls who does nothing but drink and sleep with hundreds of guys" he gulped, I smiled at him. "I promise"

4 YEARS LATER

I unlocked the door and went inside. The big white apartment was empty, it was waiting for me to fill it up. I slowly walked towards the big window in the living room. Looking outside from so high above the ground, gave me a horrible feeling. I had never felt this lonely. Living on your own after 4 years of college is weird, at least it was going to be. I took a deep breath, I started to well up. "This is stupid" I said out loud and let out a small laugh. I wiped away my tears. 'I'm going to be fine, maybe being back in New Jersey is good for you' I tried to tell myself. "Hey" I jumped at the sound of someone speaking, I turned around as fast as I could. And there he was. He basically looked the same, except that he had aged so much. His big brown eyes were the same, so was his hair. "Wh-what.. what are you doing here?" I stuttered, he smiled, "I though that I'd drop by, even though you didn't tell me that you were back" his look went from happy to mad, I gulped and remembered what I had told him. "I'm sorry, I forgot" I apologised, he shook his head in disappointment. "Really, y/n?" He said hurt, I had never seen him more sad. "Also, quick question. How did you know I was here, and how did you get into my apartment?" I asked before he got too mad, "your mom told me, and the door was wide open" he said cold, I nodded understanding. He stepped closer to me, "don't pretend like you don't know what you did wrong" he said, I shook my head, "well, I don't know" I lied. I knew exactly what I had done wrong. During college I had been back in New Jersey numerous times, I had just never told him. I didn't wanna get close to him and then fall even more in love with him.
He scoffed, "are you serious? Don't lie to me!" He sounded angry, "don't you think that I saw you all those times you were back? Where we grew up is not a big place, you easily run into people. Remember that time I called you? You said that you were with your friend back in her hometown. I was across the street watching you as we were talking on the phone" I started to well up again, I took a deep breath. "Ethan, I don't know what to say..." I whispered and looked down at my feet, "you don't have to say anything, I came here to tell you off. You've been so rude and treated me like shit, and I've never done anything to harm you. Why didn't you wanna see me?" He asked in confusion, I shrugged. I really didn't have an answer for that. Because I couldn't tell him, what I wanted to say. "WHY WERE YOU AVOIDING ME!? WERE YOU JUST BEING AN ASSHOLE!?" He suddenly yelled at me, I took a step back. I could feel the anger built up inside of me. I angrily pointed my finger at him, "there's a good reason why I avoided you" I said and took a step closer to him. "Then why don't you tell me, y/n? We're not 18 anymore, we're 22!" He looked confused, I took a deep breath before speaking. "You have no idea how painful those 4 years in college was. I can't even begin to explain how much I missed you. I felt so horrible, because I didn't see you every single day. I avoided you, to stop myself from falling more in love with you. Because then it would be even more unbearable than it already was!" I blurted out, Ethan's look turned into shock. I covered my mouth with my hands, realising what I had just said.
"What?" Ethan whispered, I took a step back. "What did you just say?" The look on his face was a mix between sadness and disbelief. "Nothing" I started going into denial, "I didn't say anything, it was nothing" I kept going until he cut me off. "Y/N, PLEASE TELL ME WHETHER YOURE SERIOUS OR JOKING!" He yelled, I held up my hands in defence. "FINE, ETHAN! IVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU FOR THE PAST 8 YEARS! YEAH THATS RIGHT, SINCE THE AGE OF 14!" I yelled back at him, he buried his face in his hands. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?" He looked up, "because, we could've never been together since I was going off to college" I defended myself, "what about the other 4 years?!" He yelled in frustration, "I was too young to knowing what I wanted or how I felt" I said and crossed my arms. "y/n, if you had told me, you could've cost both of us less pain" tears were now trickling down his cheeks, our eyes met. "What do you mean?" I asked in wonder, "YOU DONT THINK THAT I WAS AND STILL IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!?" He yelled, my heart beat raised. "Are you serious?" I asked, Ethan shook his head in disbelief, "you idiot" he let out a small laugh and then he pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in the crook of his neck. "Wait, Ethan. You also had all those years to tell me that you were in love with me. Why didn't you?" I asked him, he gave me a kiss on the neck. "Let's be honest, y/n. I could never in a million years get a girl like you" he cried. "You just did" was all I said.