Languishing (Anxiety Short Story)

Languishing

Do you know that feeling where you can't breathe?

*******

I look down to my watch. It's ten past one. Lunch is nearly over. The wind swirls around me, the breeze brutally hitting my face. Metal fencing still surrounds me, everywhere I turn, in my quiet spot. The spot where no one can watch me or give me cold, hard glares. I hate being watched. I hate people noticing me, but at the same time, I wish people could see me.

No one understands.

This school is a maze. A never-ending labyrinth. In my eyes, the paths you'll see have no way out. There's no escape. That's what scares me the most about this place; that I'm virtually trapped behind bars, confined by invisible walls that are built in every direction.

They don't see what I see. You don't see what I see.

Only I can see what my eyes can see.

Time is ticking. I'm dreading the second the buzzer goes off in a frenzy. My music blasts through my earphones, covered by my ear-defenders. Nightcore music plays, and I don't want this break to end. But nothing can last. I go through the gates of hell, flames coming to life inside me. This fire is my anxiety; it's as if I'm always on fire. Maybe not to everyone else, but to me I am.

That's when I hear it. One of the most horrible sounds I've heard in my life.

BEEEEEEEP, BEEEEEEP, BEEEEEEEP!

I begin collecting my things.

BEEEEEEEP, BEEEEEEEP, BEEEEEEP!

I stand up and dust myself off.

BEEEEEP, BEEEEEEP, BEEEEEEEEE-

"Okay!" I yell to the lady in the ceiling. No one believes me when I tell them about her, but she's there. She's everywhere. At the supermarkets, the corner shops that beep everytime someone opens the door, the kitchen. Occasionally she even hides in the computer, in the living room, that never gets used. This lady in the ceiling is even in my mind sometimes.

I take a deep breath, before making my way down the courtyard. There are five doors surrounding me. But everywhere you look, people are walking, moving in large and tight crowds around me. I stand on the grass, looking left and right, waiting for one door to be clear. It's pointless though, since this maze has endless ways of getting yourself lost. People block my way, they stare at me, they try talking to me, but they don't know me.

No one knows me really. The only things that come to mind when they see me is, 'Oh, she's possessed', 'Oh, look! It's the girl who talks to trees!', 'It's the girl who talks to ghosts!'...

"Hey, look! It's ghost girl!"

Ugh. Like, why do you have to keep reminding me that?

I face the floor as I try to catch my breath. I regret having lunch now, feeling sick to my stomach. The doorways are full to the brim of people. They look and stare, whispering to their friends, but no one cares. Teachers tell me to get off the grass, but I don't move. I don't give a s***. They can't control me.

But that's what I think. I think no one can control me, yet I feel like I'm being watched all the time and that no one wants me to have freedom. This school is one of the worst places I've been to, and even though it doesn't seem very terrifying or dangerous, I begin to feel self-conscious as soon as I walk through the main entrance. Every Monday, Tuesday, Wedesday, Thursday and Friday, at quarter past eight, I make that decision to let people control me.