Life’s not fair, we make mistakes expecting to grow from them but in reality, we make the same mistake over and over hoping to not hurt as much the next time we fall. Giving up and giving in are two very different things for giving up is simply giving up, not moving forward and striving for whatever it is we want, whereas giving in is simple, we give in thinking we will never achieve we will never get what we want. No one ever does, get what they want, we all but think we do with broken hearts mixed emotions and hurt feelings. Either we hurt or get hurt but in the end no one really wins.
We take for granted the ones who have been there all along, the ones we know, who know us and who above all accept who we are as we do the same for them. The heartbreak and misery one feels is nothing more than a bad day that can be washed away simply with choirs that keep the mind busy and the heart preoccupied or a bottle of vodka that numbs all pain. No one really knows what it is like to love for no one really loves, we love the idea of love not the feeling we get from it but the idea it brings to mind when everything in the world is wrong but with the feeling we get from that loved one our own lives are perfectly alright.
The world is full of hope and promise but we do not strive to make it all happen we strive to feel accepted and adequate in this life. Maybe that is why we lose ourselves, make mistakes and fall time and time again never landing safely in our dreams but instead crashing into someone else’s. We do not know where we belong or who we are for all we know is the name and date on a birth certificate claiming to be our own.
Life is not fair…….
Her life started out as any others would but as she grew, experienced feelings began to fall in love and discover a world of hurt her life became a spiraling mess of chaos and misery. No one noticed, no one paid any attention….except one. His name was Dominque and to her he was a savior. Tall muscly young man deep brown eyes and a calm collected smile that melted her heart, his soft tone and gentle touch was enough to have her head spinning for hours but his gentlemen like nature seemed so rare she fell in love with who he seemed to be not really who he was. He listened when she needed an ear, held her when she needed a shoulder, laughed with her when she needed a friend but in the end it was all but a timeless dream full of regret and hurt. He was the reason she fell and kept falling until she could feel the ground beneath her begin to crumble and her heart sink breaking in two. No one cared to pay her any attention or pick her up when she was down. He was the only one; made her feel special as if she was the only girl in the world. Her heart belonged to him and no one else. He had her. But it was never to be none of what she had with him was real, what they shared; those intimate kisses, those endless summer nights, they were all but an experiment a test to him trying to figure out how he felt and what exactly he wanted from her. When in the end she was nothing but an experiment of his feelings. She was hurt, crushed and torn nowhere to go no one to talk to. Left alone with her memories and thoughts, she had been abandoned by the one person who knew her better than anyone else in her miserable life. In the end she loved him knowing she always will regardless of the pain he left her with.
Moving on would not be an easy feet it would be near impossible but that night that Saturday night when she realized just a couple months had gone by and already he had met someone else who he said made him happy. The girl in the same year as her, same school, same netball team. He chose her a taller blond girl with a large group of friends, no insecurities or doubts of herself. The perfect girl it seemed. The complete opposite to who she was he had chosen someone better but to whom? Some said he was throwing away a diamond and instead choosing to pick up a rock. This new girl would never experience the feeling of complete happiness and joy, the intimate moments they had once shared she could never really understand the love she had felt when she herself first fell in love with the young man. Her savior keeping her alive but now that he was gone just far enough out of reach how long would she be able to keep her life is there any hope for a pained broken heart…….
