Mistakes Were Made

The thing is, I did say it. But I didn't say it right. I said-

I thought you were the one.

I thought we were meant to be together.

I did not say-

I love you.

Straight up. Flat out. I didn't say it because he cheated, and I felt humiliated, and I knew I had to walk away and move on. But I do wonder now...what if I had swallowed my pride? What if I had simply said-

I love you.

What if I had been able to let everything that happened go, and we had been able to put it in the past and move on? Would our future have been honest, if not monogamous? Would it have just gotten better from that day? Would we be drinking sweet tea on a porch somewhere, holding hands and laughing someday?

That's probably a fantasy. My mom always told me people don't change. Look at my father. You can't change people. It has to come from within.

But what about all of those broken people, the screw-ups, the ones who make big mistakes and drive everyone away? They end up with someone. He will end up with someone, someone who is not me.

I played it safe, because I didn't want to get hurt...again. If it was the right thing to do, then why do I still think about him so much? 

I wasn't honest.