The Littlest Book of Darkest Poems

Remembering My Wasted Life- 28th Nov '05

I tried so hard,

Yet I still end up,

On this broken floor.

Full of despair,

Hatred and lies.

No matter what,

I can't do anything,

Nothing,

A nobody is what I'll always be.

I'll never be ok,

No matter what you say.

I put my trust in you,

But I'll never rise above all this,

Corrupted mess that is my mind.

I'm going to let go,

Of all my life.

There's no point,

Not any more,

It's the end.

The end of me,

Of all I've stood for.

I'm too evil,

For the world to keep up with me.

I'm not real,

I'll never be real.

You and me,

Couldn't be more different.

I'm always going to be different,

I'll never be what you want me to be.

I'm confused by my own anger,

I can't control it.

I'm not in control of myself,

I never will be,

Never.

I don't even know,

Who or what I am.

Or if anything I say,

Is being heard by you and your kind.

I fear that I am invisible and noone can see me,

What am I to do?

I can't hold on,

Not any more,

I want to be in another place.

I can't stand the sight of myself,

I'm hideous and I recoil in disgust.

I make myself sick,

I'll never be what anyone wants.

Go Away!

I want to hurt you,

I need you,

I hate you,

I love you,

I'm so messed up,

I don't understand,

What it is I want.

I want to be beautiful,

I can't be.

I hate myself,

My ways,

My anger,

My pain.

This is the last smile,

That I'll fake,