A Million Reasons Why

Thank you atroXity for the amazing cover!

present day
Blank. Space. Silence. A sudden rush of sound. Gone. He's gone.

5 years earlier
"Harper? Do you want to do some math?"
"Are you kidding me Papa? I've got homework, and anyway, it's Tuesday."
"So?"
"Hello? I have drama practice on Tuesdays, I've told you, like, a million times."

With a huff, I turn away. What's his problem? He never cares about anything I do and then all of a sudden, he acts like everything is fine and he just wants to spend time with me. I am so sick of him. Mama keeps telling me, it's because of the encephalitis, but I honestly don't care anymore. My dad is pretty useless, as dads go.

present day
Why was I such a stuck up bitch? It obviously wasn't his fault, I should have cherished every single moment with him. But no, whenever he asked me to do anything, I would give him a million reasons why I didn't have time. Eventually, he stopped trying.

I was in college when Mama put him in a nursing home. She still worked full time and couldn't take care of him. He was forgetting everything, didn't know who I was on the rare occasions that I visited. I hardly ever visited.

Mama would ask me to come, tell me that Papa was so looking forward to seeing me. Immediately, I thought of a million reasons why not to go. It was my friends birthday, I had to finish a paper, I was coming down with the flu - on and on and on.

He's gone. For ever. I missed out on years and years of time with him. He may have been a lot of work, but he was my dad, and he loved me. I can see that now.

We didn't always have such a messed up relationship. When I was ten, we would do math together, cook and play catch. He was a great dad. It all went downhill from there.

7 years earlier
I wake up to people talking loudly, strange lights throughout the entire house. I pad down the stairs, each step creaking beneath me. Paramedics are everywhere, there's an ambulance outside, my grandparents are here, too. Then I see my dad. He's lying on the bed, glancing around at all the strangers in the same way I am. Mama is talking to four different people at once, trying to bring order to the chaos. I still don't know what's going on.

"Harper! Harper, come say goodbye to Papa. He'll be back soon."

I cling to the banister of the stairs, not uttering a word. Back up in my room, I watch the ambulance drive off with Papa in it.

present day
That was the beginning of the end. There are a million reasons why I should have acted differently, spent more time with him. I was a teenager. There was no reasoning with me. I'm not getting a second chance. Not this time.