Rattle The Stars

Safe & Sound: Sam&Celaena

I remember tears streaming down your face when I said

 'I'll never let you go....'

I trudged out of bed and stood next to the window. I always found myself waking up earlier each day. I hear Sammy slip out of bed, my hearing still honed dispite not being in the guild anymore. 

Sam's hands slipped to my swollen stomach, something he had been doing a lot lately. Our baby bow was due in four weeks. 

"I thought the doctor told you to rest." His hands flattened agains my belly, the baby already kicking. He was already so in love with his daddy.

Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire

I turned in Sam's arms. His face was straight but his eyes were lit up. 

He was already so in love with baby that I could hardly stand it. 

His blue eyes met mine and I leaned in to kiss him over my expanded belly. He pressed his chest agains mine as close as he could, snuggling my neck. My stomach wasn't huge, but there was a space between me and him. A space that held our entire future. 

I never realized that kissing my Sammy was like coming home. Like kissing a whole universe. My universe. It was strange, loving someone so wholly that it hurt. 

"I'm allowed to walk around, baby." I smiled and pulled away. I swiped my thumb over the shadow under his eye. He spend a lot of time worrying about me and the baby. 

"Oh Sammy," I whisper. "Is this real?"

Sam ran his hands down my arms, stopping on my back. I see his life flash in his eyes, so full of love. All those years I thought he hated me. I pinched myself for not seeing this sooner. 

Maybe we could've found this little piece of normal sooner; if I hadn't been so blind to what was right  in front of me. 

"It's you and me baby. To whatever end." Sam smiles. Something inside me clangs at a memory, tugging on a bond....

His face turned worried, his blue eyes more than confused. My heart was starting to pound as he pulled his hands away from my stomach and our beautiful baby. 

He had a distant look in his eyes, as if this was the last time that he would see me. The world tilted and I could've sworn it stopped spinning that very moment. 

Then a scar, deep and jagged, appeared under his cheekbone. Then another one on his brow. I watched as my Sam turned from the man I love into someone I didn't recognize. The sunlight faded, but before I could figure out what was happening a blinding pain tore through my stomach and I winced. 

Those scars were still appearing, on his cheek and a bruise on his chin, but his eyes remained blue as the sky. Coated with worry. Like my Sammy was still in there. "What's wrong, Celaena?"

I winced again as another pain tore through my abdomen. "The baby. I think." I closed my eyes against the pain and clenched my teeth. 

It took me a minute to realize that my swollen belly full of life was gone. I was again dressed in the sodden clothes from the salt mines, covered in dust and barely clinging to life. I noticed that I was holding a rock, one that I'd seen before, set on a grave before...

Sam took a deep breath, the scars getting deeper and wider and dripping blood. They were changing and rearranging his beautiful face. Where were his blue eyes? Where was my Sammy?

The man that was not my Sam grabbed my hand. "It's okay Celaena. You have to let it go. Let this dream go."

I looked at him confused. Where is my Sam? What did you do with him? How could I let go of a dream I never knew I had? 

"What? I can't let you go."

"I'm okay with what happened." He rubbed my palm with his now-bloody hand. "If dying meant protecting you, then it was worth it. You were my life, the only thing I've loved. I'd do it all over again, baby."

Tears spilled down my cheeks. "Sammy..."

"I love you, Celaena Sardothien. Don't be afraid." 

"Stay with me, Sam. Don't leave me, you can't leave me."

Those scars cut deeper into his face, leaving me seeing bone. "I'll never leave you." 

"Please," I whisper, reaching out. He was nothing more than dust now. Where did my Sammy go?

I woke with a start, screaming into Rowan's shoulder. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked and rubbed my back. 

I wiped at my tears, wondering what it would have been like if he hadn't been taken away from me. Would there still be a house, a baby? Would it have been normal, or would we spend life fighting, together, over what we've endured? 

The hard part was admitting that he is actually gone. I closed my eyes and leaned into Rowan. I thought I lost everything the day I lost Sam. In that moment I had, because he promised me everything I never knew I wanted. But somehow I found hope, the will to keep fighting again.

Even if that was given to me by someone else. 

I tucked my Sam back into my heart and took a deep breath, listening to Rowan falling back asleep. My eyes felt lead once more.

Before I fell asleep, I thought of Sam and his blue eyes and his hands that now held my heart. 

"My name is Aelin Whitethorn Ashryver Galathynius, and I will not be afraid." 

I took a deep breath. Not anymore. 

Because you and I'll be safe and sound...