I feel the car shake under me, waking me up from my not so comfortable sleep. I looked up with my eyes feeling heavy, I glanced at my mother . Our eyes met and she said,
"Good morning sunshine." I sit up and say
" 'morning to you too" we both laughed knowing it's about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I look outside my window seeing the gray clouds hovering above. in that moment it began to rain. I cracked my window, feeling the droplets hit my face. I inhaled the fresh rain scented air.
"Are we almost there?" I asked my mother. She paused for a second and said,
"Yes, you'll be seeing grandma real soon."
I smile to myself at the mention of my grandma, living in her little California house. My train of thought was interrupted when my mother slammed on the brakes causing the car the hydroplate. I saw what had made her hit the brakes so hard. The dumb ass crossing the highway was alive. The car stopped and my mother and I sighed in relief. All too soon, right after, a semi-truck hit the car. Sending us if the highway and down a big hill to our imminent deaths.
After what felt like an eternity of falling, the car stopped. My whole body was in pain from cuts and broken bones. My head felt wet and I knew it was my blood.
"Mom?" I said, I scrambled through the car putting my fingers on their neck to feel a pulse. Nothing, I check the rest of them, nothing again. A waterfall of tears fill my face. I hug my mother rocking back and forth, t in grief and agony ftom my broken bones. But I didn't care. I kept asking,
"God, why me?"
In the corner of my eye I saw my mothers phone. I hoped it still worked, and it did. Hyperventilating, I called 911.
Barely able to speak, I tried to explain to the officer what happened. They said they would get there as soon as possible. But I already knew it was too late. Knowing it would only hinder me staying in the car, I tried to find a way out to ask for help.
Painfully, I managed to break the window and poke my head out. Someone had gotten out of their car when they noticed, I'm assuming, the semi and the gaping hole in the metal railing. They looked down from the highway.
"HELP!" I yelled, then whispered to myself, "please."
"hang in there!" The stranger said. It looked like the police but, was way too soon. My ear was numb and bleeding from all the noise the crash made. I could barely hear the sirens when they arrived.
They came down fishing us out one by one. It felt like my brain and body were shut down. I was the first to go up, and I saw reporters trying to get a good story. There was nothing good about this.
I was rushed to the nearest hospital, and once I was out of surgery I woke up to officers and their inane questions. I could barely answer, it took them a while to figure out I was in shock and wouldn't say anything beyond a nod. Of course they called my family in California. Problem is, they gossip. One day I was alone, the next I'm bombarded by lots of sorry's from people who don't care.
I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle in Cali. I had to leave everything, my home, my friends . . . Life.
My uncle helped me with the move and arranging the funerals. I was the only one wearing white, knowing if I wore black . . . And my family was still alive, they'd kill me. I held five white roses for the five coffins in front of me. I had asked them to keep it closed coffin so I wouldn't break down in the middle of the ceremony.
it's been weeks. And I look like a skelton. If there's one thing you should know about me, is that when I'm depressed, I don't eat. My family worried that I was depressed too. I winner what gave them that fucking bright idea?
Since they didn't want to deal with a broken seventeen year old, they sent me to counseling. And not just any counseling, but the wonderful group therapy.
In the group, they all 'hated their lives'. I tuned out most of the time (or should I say, all the time). It was like this for a couple of months until in one session I heard a girl say,
"I wish my mother was dead."
"Shut the fuck up!" I yelled "you don't fucking realize how good you've got it until it's gone. So be quiet and appreciate what you have!" The room was silenced and the guy in charge cleared his throat,
"Such beautiful words for your first time speaking, do you have anything else to say?"
"I don't think any one else wants me to say anything " I smirked "so carry on oh wise and dark overlord."
No one really shared that day since it was about family. I was just glad it was over. And that soon I'd be leaving, permanently.
It would be my eighteenth birthday in a few days. And since my family is naive and I manipulate them a lot. They bought me a car.
On the day of my birthday I took a permanent road trip back to Vegas, My home. Someone had already moved in since it had been empty and I hadn't been old enough to claim it. I drove up to the house and took in my childhood home. The green grass, still green. The two story Victorian house still beautiful and well kept.
I walked up to the door and knocked, a woman my mothers age greeted my at the door.
"Good afternoon." She smiled kindly, she looked so much like her.
"Hi, I used to live here about a year ago. And I was wondering. What did you do with all the belongings we had?" The womans eyes instantly softened, she knew.
"It's in the attic," she said "oh, and my name is Riley."
I smiled and replied, "thank you Riley, I'm Angie." She led me up the stairs towards the attic. Walking past the rooms made my chest ache and a lump to form in my throat. We climbed up the ladder and I saw all the boxes. Everything was there, especially since our attic was big. Their attic.
Riley had left me alone, knowing I would need time alone. I ran my hands over the boxes, feeling the rough cardboard. On the side I saw labels of everything. They really knew how to organize things. I had Riley and her husband Sam to help me load the boxes into my car. I took what my car could hold. Which was a black H3. I took most of it but left all the old clothes knowing they would be worn out.
I said my goodbyes to Riley and Sam, then headed on my way to my apartment. It wad a good size since I knew I would bring old things. I unloaded all the boxes and furniture and once I opened the first box. I was done. I had opened the one with the pictures. The lump in my throat came back. I grabbed them and hugged them to me.
I felt like there was a void in my heart. A giant hole that could never be filled, and it was leaking. Tears sprang from my face. My heart ached so much, it had only been a year. I had no one, only these symbols of my family, and how they once lived.
I hugged the pictures tightly and layed on the ground sobbing. Alone I'm this eternal desolation we call life. . . Why me? Why did I have to say goodbye?
