Walang Hanggan

"Sorry."

One word yet it took all my strength away. I stopped pretending to tie my laces and tried to sit comfortably.

I closed my eyes. I don't want to look at her. I just cant look at her.

"Bei, tumingin ka naman sakin oh."

Umiling ako. I can't look at her. Not when my eyes has nothing but pain in it. Not when I know it would not help her or me or us get out of this situation.

"I'm tired Jho."

I said looking directly at her eyes. Her eyes. Her expressive eyes that mirrors mine. Tired. Sad. In pain.

"Ako din Bei. Pagod na ako. Pero di naman tayo susuko di ba?"

I smiled bitterly. Madali lang sa kanya sabihin na hindi sumuko dahil hindi siya yung nasa lagay ko. She does not know how it feels to be denied again and again. She does not know how it feels when some of her fans say that the two of them look good together. She does not know how it feels to not tell the world what the real score is no matter how proud you are.

"I don't really know Jho. I just don't know anymore."

She sat beside me and hugged me tight. So tight that I'm almost choking.

But still I like to be wrapped around her and feel what the world should not see. I like feeling her near me even when I know it would hurt me in the long run.

"Hindi mo naman ako bibitawan di ba? Hindi mo naman tayo bibitawan diba?"

She asked. Fighting her tears. Still hugging me.

I wanted to say yes. God knows I wanted to say yes. I want to tell her that there is no way in hell I would let go of her. That it would still be the two of us against the world like how it always has been.

But I can't. I wanted to but I can't.

I just hugged her tighter than ever. I want her to feel that I love her. I love her more than anything in this world. I love her more than I love myself and it breaks me. I'm breaking and I'm afraid I would come to the point that nothing, not even her love, could fix it.

"Sorry."

I whispered then kissed her forehead.

She cried. She cried like she never did before.

I want to comfort her but I need comfort too. I want to tell her that things will be okay, but will it ever be? I don't know. I don't know anymore.

I broke our hug, took my things and stood up. I stared at her for the longest time. I want to stay.

But again I can't. Because staying would be detrimental for both of us. We are breaking and the only thing that could fix us is to be apart.

"I love you Jho."

I turned my back at her wiping the tears that fell down from my eyes.

Goodbye. For now.