Thanks for telling me about your new Grand Prix For the Lightning Cup, but I decided to decline this offer. Why? Simple, because every single race I go to, somebody seems to die. Let me tell you the tragic tales of all 12 of the karting victims. The first three take place on Mount Wario
The first one was on Mount Wario, who (kind of ironically) was Wario. He died because Lakitu took the day off. Wario was a reckless driver, so he crashed into everything and everyone and fell off the track a lot, so when Lakitu didn't pick him up, he snapped his neck on the hard ice bellow.
The next one was of Bowser, my dad. He got hit in the face with a banana peel and it blindsided him, which sent him careening him to the edge where he fell off, but Lakitu did save him, but when he did, he fell out of his kart and plunged. 100 feet to his death. We now live with our grandma, Rosalina.
The last death on Mount Wario was of my brother Morton. He stared into space, which was a bad idea, when he was sent flying 30 feet onto the snow where he broke a leg, when he limped back to his kart, Mario ran him over. When he did, he shouted "GOOD-A RIDDANCE!!" Which was a jerk move.
These next three deaths happened on The Rainbow Road.
The first was of my grandpa, dry Bowser. He had a heart attack in- race and died on the last lap, then he was sent off the side and fell, Lakitu "saved" him, but he was already dead.
The second is of Waluigi. He actually committed suicide when he came in 2nd place on the last lap of the last race of the last Cup of the last season. Where he got a silver trophy, where he overdosed in his apartment and died. He wasn't a perfectionist, he was just sad.
The final one is of Villager. I hated him, so I ( not knowing Lakitu was asleep) bumped him off of the edge and he suffered 5 broken bones in his wrists, a rib, and both of his legs. He was bound to a wheelchair and died because of his injuries.
These next three happen in The Twisted Mansion.
The first is of Pink Gold Peach. She died because she was a bigger coward than Luigi, so when she saw the two ghosts circling in the middle of the ceiling, she fainted then ran into a bookshelf and a book fell and a sharp corner stabbed her in the head, she died in hospital.
The second is of my only sister, Wendy Koopa. She died because after a race, Mario trashed talked her until she tried to tackle him but he dodged and grabbed her and spinned her around and knee-ed her in the face, breaking her skull, killing her instantly.
The final one in The Twisted Mansion was of my other brother, Iggy. He was a perfectionist, so he committed suicide in the castle when he came in 12th place in a race in a Grand Prix.
The last three take place in Toad Harbor.
The first is of Metal Mario. He died because he broke through a fence and fell into the water and sank 2 miles into the water. Lakitu tried to rescue him, but he was too heavy. After leaving him to die, he yelled "SORRY!" and he drowned before he could yell "SCREW-A YOU!!"
The second is of Toad (again, ironic) he died because his glider worked too well and sent him flying into space without a helmet. Where he suffocated and froze in the cold and desolate space.
The final death in Toad Harbor and this was my last ever go-karting race ever. This took the life of my closest friend, Shy Guy. He died because he was slightly insane. He parked his kart and got onto the top of a building and the jumped off the edge of a building because a voice in his head told him he could fly.
So those were my last karting races, and yes when I quit, no more deaths happened. So I decline your offer because I want to spare the lives of anyone else that I race.
Sincerely
Ludwig Van Koopa.
P.S please write back to me as soon as you can.
