lo and charlie

1

I have one thousand three hundred and eighty-four days to go. Just so I say it to someone I want you to know high school is worse than middle school, well for people like me. You see I tried to talk to a few people who weren't my friends but where just there, a person who would've said 'hi' to me a year ago. But instead of that 'hi' I was hoping for, it was like they were staring at thin air, like they had no recognition for my existence anymore. This was the first thing I wrote to you in September, and to some extent nothing's changed since then. But least now I do have a few people I can call friends and say 'hi'. So, this is my life now. The wallflower, who no one really knows except from a few people whose names I will change because I don't want you to know about my life. I just want someone to listen. Charlie, Sam and Patrick are what I'd call my safety circle, you see although I'm with their friends most of the time, it doesn't feel like there with me. Almost like an invisible barrier that stops me from really knowing them, or maybe it me, maybe I'm so scared to open up that I just close my eyes and pretend it's everyone else. But anyway the main reason I'm writing to you is because want someone to know what happened that night. It was one of them nights full of music that no one really knew but we loved it anyway, a night of endless cups being emptied no one really knowing the contents of what was inside. Of smoke filling the room and corrupting our lungs. But we didn't mind, even if we didn't really know what I was. A night of lust to be loved and to feel love. One of them nights where you become so relaxed you let go of your worries, even just for a moment. Then soon enough you're taking deep breaths after laughing so hard at some guy who tried to hit on that one girl that was supposedly lesbian... and this is that night.

Id just finished getting ready in my black dress that Sam so desperately begged me to wear, my old worn out denim jacket with countless indie band patches stitched on in random colours , my converse with the soles worn away. I as just about to start on my wildly curly hair when I heard Patricks car from out the front 'come on Lo we don't have all night ', the sound of the innocent mission radiating from the stereo. I ran downstairs and out the door, I didn't say goodbye, no one would notice I'm gone anyway. Never could I of imagined this being me on the first day of one thousand three hundred and eighty-four, but things change. People change. Sam and Patrick started to bicker over who knows what but I just pulled my self above the opening of the car roof letting my mind soar away, my body relax and the wind mould my hair into unknown shapes like an art form.

'Lo! Lo!' I jumped out of my skin looking over to my friends, well were more like a family really. 'Lo, what are you doing, why are you staring at us?'.

'oh, sorry I just blanked out. Come on', I walked towards the door ignoring there confused expressions. When we finally came to the other side we followed our mind map don to the basement. Patrick said Charlie would be here soon so just got myself I drink and went to the sofa in the corner of the room. It was like my personal haven here, no one to judge you, to stop you from being you. As I trailed off in my thought I suddenly realised something. Although these moments mat not seem much to another person, they mean everything to me. But these moments will just be another story tomorrow. A story that may be forgotten in years to come, and that thought scared me. Soon enough I felt to seat next to me move, looked over and saw Charlie.

'Charlie' 'Lo' we screamed at the same time, you see we seen as the wallflowers of our group, or school. Or maybe even this whole deadbeat town. But when were together were like different people, it's like we wipe away all the chaos in each other's heads.

We spoke for what felt like years, of lived moments, literature, friends, family. But soon enough Sam and Patrick came over insisting we go now, something about chad that's Patrick's secrete boyfriend that only us four know about. We pulled up to the tunnel and I looked over at Charlie and smiled. I shouted over the music to Patrick as I realised where we were.

' Patrick turn it up!' desperately trying to make my words known, he slightly nodded as he realised what I was going to do. I turned to Charlie and pulled him up so we were standing our bodies escaping the car roof, as the sound of Hero's echoed in my brain. We entered the tunnel the wind pushing me back, as Charlie stood behind me pulling me closer to him. We were singing and screaming in joy and satisfaction. It was just like the night I first meant them. The night I found my place, with my real family and I never want this to end, this feeling f infinity. I could feel the sound of shouting behind me as I tried to work out what Charlie was saying to me.

'what?' but I still couldn't hear, I then felt him turn me around as his hand reached up to cares my cheek.

'I love you!' I looked up realising what he just said. I couldn't believe it, Charlie always said he could never love someone he same since his aunt Helen died. He said it wasn't that he didn't want to, ut it was that there was no one to show him what it was anymore. I could see the hope in his eyes as I smiled like a Cheshire cat , my hair circling around us like a shield. I started to see the light at th end of the tunnel and just as we reached the opening I stood on my toes reaching up to Charlie making out lips connect.

That was the last time we were all together. The night Charlie had confessed his love for me, and my fears of our lives becoming just stories untold came true. The night things changed. The night friends left to ensure their dreams. But life doesn't stop for nobody, and it won't stop for me. But il always remember that in that moment, that moment in the back of a beat up car with the people I call family. With Charlie. Will always feel infinite, and no one can take that away.

Love Always, Lo.