my love.

*insert title*

From a very young age I used to believe that love was having a small crush on a friend,having them as your favorite,having everything in common.Saying I love you non stop and having cute pet names.Nothing more,nothing less.whether it's an act or not.
I stumbled upon relationships with many boys,many girls.
Highly convinced at a very young age,that I was in love.
Sometimes I'd end up in a relationship because I was afraid to say no,or I wanted them to be my best friend but i thought for that to happen without anyone trying to steal them,I'd have to claim them as my very own lover.
But I was wrong,wrong about all of that.
After years of going and coming out of relationships that weren't what i was looking for.I gave up.
I had thought that I'd never actually fall in love,I'd never find someone who I can actually keep a relationship with.
I was absolutely devastated, lost,confused,and most of all heartbroken.
I wasn't satisfied with anyone,I wanted a love story like the ones from the romance movies where the popular boy falls hopelessly in love with the nerdy girl that no one likes but no matter what,he'd still stick with her.Because he loved her.It wasn't just some silly relationship that they'd gotten into just because they wanted to give and receive love.It was more than that,it was the actual thing.
So I had decided that maybe,love just wasn't my thing.
I had broken up with my current girlfriend and didn't get into another relationship for who knows what.
Then,everything changed.
A day in September, knowing my lazy self.
I was on my phone,texting a group of assholes because I was foolish enough to be like one of them to"fit in".
One of the girls in the group chat had messaged the group telling us about these "Cringy furry loving people"In a group chat I do believe so was called something along the lines "Absolutely random".Now,I know I most likely got that wrong but hey.I haven't been in that group chat for several months now.
Anyways,She was wanting a few friends to tag along and troll the group chat,be total jerks to them basically.
And it just so happened that I'd volunteered to be one of those "Friends".
So,she added me thinking I'd what....make fun of them or something?
But actually I decided to try and befriend these people that are within the group chat.
After awhile I met some friends,well actually I only knew one guy.His name was Helsin.
Later on the girl that had added me left the groupchat realizing how supposedly lame I was and then I ended up being kicked out of the Posey of assholes.
Couple months later,I'd say 3.
I had some drama with my best friend,now this wasn't the first time.trust me.Without realizing it for years and years,the whole time my very own best friend had be breaking me over and over again.
But ya'know anyways back to the story.
With all the drama and everything else going on like family issues,school issues,etc.
I decided to leave the group chat and later that day I had planned to attempt to kill myself yet again.
Not the best idea of how I left,considering I gave off the sign that I was depressed.
This guy,Aaron,I'd talked to him a few times in the groupchat.
Few other times in personal.
Anyways,Aaron had contacted me privately.
Aware of my state of mood,he had offered to help me.
I didn't know how he could help,or what to even tell him.
I mean I can't just pour my problems onto someone else not knowing what they're going through already.That makes me feel needy.
But Aaron still was there,trying to help.
I didn't attempt to commit suicide that day,I was too distracted by him.
I wanted to see where this would go.
Then before I knew it,Aaron and I had became friends.
Now,my first impression of this guy was that he was an absolute sweetheart.
But as we talked day after day,he seemed to come off as a bit of a what I like to call,
Heartless asshole.
He didn't seem like he put effort into his texts,
or he didn't enjoy my company some times,and he always seemed mad or something.
I hated that,I hated that he didn't seem to want to talk to me,
or that he didn't put effort into it and would reply with these one word texts making it difficult to carry on the conversation.
I hated it.
But I didn't understand why I hated it.
Why I wanted his attention to much.
Why did I want his attention so much?
I loved talking to him for the most of it.
I mean yeah,he was kind of a jerk at the beginning but for some reason I'd gotten attached to him.
I didn't want to call it love at first.
I tried denying it.
Then,I told him.I told him that I was going to leave.Leave because he didn't seem to care about our conversations.
I logged out and didn't return for several hours although I was hurting so much.
Only to come back to a message from Aaron,saying that he'd try to put more effort into talking to me.
I didn't believe it at first,no one has ever been willing to make a change for me.
But as the time went by I did see an improvement in his effort.
And I couldn't be more thankful,Although it was selfish of me to be that way.
I'm forever greatful.
We didn't only text,we'd play games together,stay up all night.Just have loads of fun,although we couldn't even hang out in person.
Near the ending of December I'd finally accepted that I was head over heels for this guy.
But I didn't tell him,because I didn't think he'd ever think of me that way.
I'd actually thought he'd had feelings for his friend.
And boy was I jealous of her..It's quite embarrassing, how much I envied her.
She's pretty,entertaining,funny.
Everything a guy looks for in a girl.
Literally the next month,January.
I'd confessed to Aaron,but not once.A few times actually.
You see,he forgets things quite easily heh.
I'd been giving him hints that I'd liked him for awhile,He soon caught onto them.
That was the first time I had confessed to him.. I remember it clearly.
We had ran into this Aaron imposter and then before I knew it,It was entirely late at night
and Aaron and I were saying goodnight to each other,I do believe so.
And Aaron had said that there was no need for him,and that I "liked"the imposter more.
Annnd being me,I had said that he had no idea how much I liked him,and that I wish I could tell him.
And that's when he said it.
"Jade,I know you love me."
At first i thought he was playing with me.
How could I have been so shocked though?I'd just gave it away in a way.
But,as shocked as I was I'd agreed.
And questioned him that how he hadn't noticed the hints.
Turns out that he was slowly noticing the hints heh..and I'd thought that I was actually being sneaky, jeez0-0.
Time went by and he had seemed to have forgotten.
I was completely upset,I then knew that he didn't like me the same way,and that I wouldn't stand a chance.
About a week later he had asked me who my crush was,of course I told him AGAIN.
Well I mean,I kinda didn't want to haha,he'd begged me to tell him,hmph.
After that time I don't think he forgot.
Even though I had feelings for him,whether he didn't or did not.
We remained being close,and ended up getting closer and closer as time flew by.
About at the end of January, late night.
I had reminded Aaron of something.
You see,he put this thing up on his Instagram that allowed anyone to ask him a question and he HAD to answer honestly.Rules.
So OF COURSE I just had to ask him who his crush was,I mean..who wouldn't ask their crush that if they'd had to have answered honestly?
So,we finished our last game of Hangman NOT Hangdoggo lol.
He had promised me he'd tell me who it was after that,because he planned to go to sleep afterwards anyways.
Me,thinking that all along he would say the girls name that I had been jealous of for the longest time,I was complete nervous.Thinking I was setting myself up for heartbreak.
I was wrong,that's right.
Aaron said my name,
God was I happy...I screamed just out of excitement,I don't think I've ever been that happy in my whole entire life.
That night I barely got any rest,I couldn't stop thinking about him,
would we become more than friends?
I hadn't known at the time but I didn't care!
I was just glad I was lucky enough to had won his heart some how.
So I just layed there,with a huge smile on my face that'd reached the point it hurt.Face burning,but I was happy..I hadn't felt that way for the longest time.
Things were changing.And in a good way.
Now we didn't become more than friends after that day.
But I gotta admit,it did seem like we were flirty with each other from time to time xD.
So I was satisfied with it.
But the thing is about all of this,
I didn't feel the same sort of happiness I felt when I went somewhere fun with my friends as a child or got ice cream and went swimming or something.
It was a special kind of happiness.
My stomach felt all weird,and my face would burn like hell.
I'd catch myself smiling,all the time.
Even my friends and family had noticed.
I've never smiled as much as i have with Aaron.
Not only did Aaron make me happy,there was times that I'd gotten sad.
Why?Because I was afraid of losing him.Even the thought of it brought tears to my eyes.
I was afraid that one day,he'd get tired of me.Like many people have.
I cared so much about him.And his health,and how he was.
I've never been that way.With anyone.
I'd get so hyped up just from a single "hello"message from him.
I loved spending time with him more than anyone else on earth.
I'd constantly talk about him to my friends,uhhh..a bit too much i suppose? heh...Even my friends noticed the change.
They noticed the huge difference in how I was in my relationships with all those other people,and how I was just liking Aaron.
I never talked about my boyfriends or girlfriends with my friends when i"liked"them.
Never got so Happy.Never cared so much.heck,I've never loved so much.
So yeah,I admit.I'm completely in love with the guy.
Months go by again,it's now April.
Aaron had asked me out on the 16th at exactly 12:02 AM.
I was extremely happy omg.
Easter,which is also on the 16th.WAS my least favorite holiday,now it isn't heh.
I told my friends right away and just...i was so happy.
Now Aaron and I are together, finally.The moment in time I'd waited for for what seems like forever.
I'm happy he chose me.Even though I'm not the prettiest,or hilarious or fun.
He still chose me.I don't understand why,he deserves so much better.But I'm definitely glad he did choose me.
I want you,Aaron.You and you only.I want to continue spending my days with you talking about random things till 3 in the morning and doing silly "roleplays" from time to time.
I want to one day wake up to tell you good morning to your face,not through a text.
I want to kiss you in person, maybe even in the rain like the romance movies xD.
I wanna grow old with you and get married and have stupid adventures like camping in the back yard or going to the grocery store late at night.
I want to be with you.No matter what it takes,or how long it takes.
As long as I'm with you,I'm happy.
I love you Aaron.