He had the dream again. Running as fast as he could, he just couldn't ever run fast enough. Dark hair waving just out of reach and he couldn't catch her. His hand flew up, just about to feel those locks between his fingers. He called her name.
Finn eyes snapped open. He was panting in his bed as if he'd just sprinted the length of a football pitch. He put a hand over his heart, trying to slow its incessant beating.
Throwing his head back into the pillow he stared at the ceiling. What was going on with him? It had been weeks now. He was exhausted. The same dream kept him from getting any real sleep.
The fatigue was effecting his performance at college and on the football field. His teachers were getting cross and his coach was ready to bench him for the next game. His teammates were getting sarky as well. He took a ball to the head at his last practice and got a load of shit in the changing room.
His mates weren't much better. Chop was full up to the teeth with him. Finn would just blow him off and sit in a corner nursing a beer. Izzy was worried about him. She said as much. Finn tried to be nice to her but he was just too tired.
Chloe and Archie didn't know what to do. Chloe's constant flirting just frustrated him and his rebuffs were getting mean. Arch would just sit in silence. They all knew something was off with Finn but the strop on him was just too severe to fight.
Of course Rae and he still spoke. Well, argued was more accurate. He just couldn't help himself. He really liked Rae, but lately all he could do was smirk and irritate her. He was surprised she kept talking to him anyway.
Alone with his thoughts, Finn knew he had reparations to make. He would see the gang at Rae's in the evening at least. He hoped he'd be in a better mood. Maybe he'd actually get some sleep tonight.
The day passed in a fog. Finn tried to have a meal with his dad but he had no appetite.
"Ya sure you're not gettin' sick, son?" His dad was concerned.
Finn shook his head and pushed away from the kitchen table, saying nothing as he went back up to his room.
He passed some of the hours going through his music. He selected some tapes to take with him to Rae's. He scratched Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me taking it off his turntable. Normally, he would have been infuriated. He just sighed, too knackered to care. Trying to rest, he put The Smiths on and climbed back in bed.
After a few hours of tossing and turning, Finn got up. Taking a quick shower he returned to his room, packed a bag and walked over to Rae's.
Tripping his way down the streets he made it up the walk to Rae's front door. The sun had just about set and Finn observed Chop's car on the street. He could hear the voices of his mates inside. Archie came to the door after he knocked.
Archie stood there holding the door open for him.
"Ya alright, mate?" He pushed his glasses back up and gave Finn a weak smile.
Finn grunted and stepped forward. Archie stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.
"Finn, seriously. Are ya OK?" Shrugging off Archie's hand Finn passed him muttering. He heard Archie sigh.
Finn walked through the entryway to the lounge where everyone was assembled. He heard Rae's voice before he saw her.
"Alright Chop, this is not going to be another gathering of strangers just us and a few friends. Actual friends, Chop." She was drying her hands with a tea towel as she entered the lounge from the kitchen.
Chop was nodding enthusiastically and said, "Right you are, Raemundo. You know best as always." He waggled his eyebrows and Rae rolled her eyes.
Catching sight of Finn, Rae smiled at him and declared, "There's Mister Grumpy Trousers. Come to manage the music with me?"
He smiled. It was the first smile Finn had given anyone all day. Perhaps longer. He felt his chest get tight as he looked at her longer than was acceptable. Rae's expression changed to one of confusion as Finn stared at her in silence.
Shaking his head he said, "Yeah, Rae. I came to help you avoid any musical missteps."
She smirked and shook her head at him.
"Well, have at it, then." She waved to the stereo. Finn crossed the room and took a seat dropping his bag next to him. He started to quietly sort through his tapes.
Chloe and Izzy were running around, helping Rae put away anything she didn't want broken. They all learned a thing or two after Rae's Sexy Party.
Finn felt someone come and sit next to him on the floor. He caught a whiff of apples and knew it was Rae. He kept his focus on his tapes and asked her, "So, what made you want to have another party?"
"Just needed an excuse to get a certain grumpy DJ I know to come over." Rae bumped his shoulder with hers.
Finn's head shot up. He looked at her open mouthed. She laughed at his expression.
Shrugging she continued, "Well, my mom and Karim wanted to take my sister to Tunisia to meet his family and since we still have college I stayed home. I just thought the gang could use a break." Here she stopped and looked around. "I just don't want it to get as out of control as the last one." She dropped her eyes to the floor and finished. "Still, some nice memories came from the last one."
Finn watched the smile creep up her cheeks. Was she blushing? He wished she'd look at him. The tightening in his chest came on stronger. His fingers flexed in his lap. He wanted to touch her. Before he knew what he was doing, his fingers were running over the back of Rae's hand. She didn't look up and Finn just watched his fingers moving across Rae's skin.
Rae almost whispered, "Finn?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you alright? You haven't been yourself lately." Finn was thankful he was so close to her. She was speaking so softly he could barely hear her. It wasn't like Rae to sound so shy.
Releasing a massive sigh, Finn considered his words. He couldn't tell Rae about his dreams, not yet anyway. Still, he could tell her something.
"I haven't been sleeping."
"Why, Finn?"
"I just can't. I try. I keep waking up and if I do fall asleep I still wake up tired."
Rae put a hand on his arm.
"I'm sorry, Finn. Is everything OK with your dad? Could it be that you're missing your nan?"
Finn smiled at her concern.
"Nah. Dad's fine. Yeah, I miss Nan, but it's not that either."
"Well, can I help?" Here she raised her eyes to his face. Finn hesitated to look at her. He'd had several ideas about what Rae could do for him but he just wasn't ready to share them. Meanwhile, he was loving all of this attention from her.
Finn barely noticed that other friends of theirs were arriving and the party was underway. He was in a safe, little bubble with Rae. He felt better than he had in weeks.
"Ta for that, Rae. But I just need to be able to sleep and I'm not sure what to do anymore." Finn sighed and rubbed the back of his head.
Having a bit of a think, Rae had a suggestion.
"Finn, why don't we take your things upstairs?"
"What, now?" He was confused.
"Yeah. You don't seem to be in much of a party mood anyway. Am I wrong?"
Finn shook his head in response. No, Rae wasn't wrong but he really didn't want to stop talking to her.
Clapping her hands on her lap she said, "That's settled then." She stood and offered a hand to Finn. He took it and stood next to her.
Leaning in she whispered, "We'll just nip up to my room and get you settled." She stepped back a little and smiled at him. He smiled back. Again he noted, he hadn't felt this good in quite some time. Grabbing his bag, he followed Rae up the carpeted stairs.
Rae opened her bedroom door and walked in. Finn came up behind and set his bag on the floor by her beanbag. Rae passed him and stepped into the hall. She returned just as quickly with a pillow and blanket in her hands.
"Look familiar?" She asked.
He smiled. They were the ones she gave him when he slept over during the last party.
She brushed past and told him, "Here, you sit yourself down there." She pointed to the beanbag. "I'll make up the bed for ya and I'll make sure no one bothers you, yeah?"
Finn wanted to argue but he knew better. Maybe Rae would come and join him after the party was over. He could hope.
He watched her carefully move her Care Bears cover and her pillow off to the side. He leaned back in the beanbag and felt his eyes get heavy. The scent of Rae was everywhere in here. He took slow, deep breaths, reveling in it.
"Ah, ah, ah. Don't go to sleep down there, Finnley. You'll wake up feeling worse than you do now." She looked at him with her hands on her hips.
"Not possible," he mumbled.
She sighed. "I know, Finn. I'll leave you to it, OK? I hope this helps."
Finn stood, realizing Rae was leaving the room.
"Rae?"
She turned. "Yeah?"
He stepped close to her and wrapped his arms around her. He buried his face in her hair and breathed deeply, relaxing. He muttered his thanks. She patted his back and stepped out of the embrace. She looked at him for a moment and smiled.
"Jesus, Finn, you do look exhausted." They shared a smile and a small chuckle. Rae reached a tentative hand out and lightly traced one of the dark circles under his eye.
"We'll take care of this, Finn. You'll be alright." She dropped her hand and smiled at him again.
Stepping toward the door she whispered, "Goodnight, Finn."
He watched her move out the door and into the hall. He felt calm. Removing his toothbrush, Finn crossed to the bath to get ready for bed. Rae was right. He wasn't up for a party. But time with her was certainly worth the fatigue.
Returning to Rae's room Finn felt dead on his feet. He stumbled out of his boots and clumsily stripped off his clothes. He tried to leave them in a semi-neat pile. He didn't want to mess up Rae's room. He'd brought pajamas but was too tired to pull them out. He simply crawled under the covers in his boxers.
Rae's bed was soft, very soft. He felt warm, safe and very comfortable. He hadn't felt that way in his own bed for the longest time and he still wasn't sure why. Before he could come up with an explanation the smell of apples coupled with the gentle thrum of music from downstairs lulled him to sleep.
The dream came again. Something had changed this time. The same figure was just ahead of him. Their back turned so all he could see was a mass of long, dark hair. He called out. For the first time that he could remember, she turned. Just a little, but Finn could see her profile.
Rae
He ran and it seemed like she was standing still. She heard him.
Rae
He called again and reached out a hand. He could almost touch her. A smile came to the part of her face he could see.
Rae
