Penny Gets Lucky (girlxgirl)

Chapter 1

I'm one of three kids.  As they say, third time's a charm.  I sure don't feel like a lucky charm.  My parents, thinking it made actual sense, named me Penny because pennies are supposed to be lucky, and I'm the the third child, so I'm supposed to be a charm.  Funny, right? Wrong.  Every time we meet somebody, my mom has to explain why I'm named Penny.  My full name is Penelope Arabella, because although my parents just wanted to name me Penny, my mother always believed in people choosing their own paths.  She almost named me Lucille.  Not Lucy, even though that's what she wanted to call me.  She was going to name me Lucille so that I'd be able to choose.

So, my name means "weaver" "yielding to prayer." Really lucky name.  

Naturally, I was called Penny anyway from birth, so there really was no point in naming me Penelope.  I have two older brothers: Andrew Eugene and Matthew Spencer.  Andrew is eighteen, in his senior year, at Damon High School, which is all boys.  Matthew is 17, in his junior year.  I'm fifteen, a freshman; I go to their sister school, Fairfield, which is all-girls.  Our parents thought it was important to have a single-sex education so we could form close friendships and have a good education, but they encourage me to talk to boys and Matt and Andy to talk to girls.

The only time I ever meet guys or talk to anyone without a vagina is at dances.  It's kind of a bad time and place to meet Mr. Right, because everyone is always horny and turned on by the music.  Dances happen at a number of the local private schools, and what happens is one particular grade is invited from all the numerous schools.  It usually ends up being an over-populated crowed in a small room, which makes the room really hot from all the close dancing and grinding going on.  I usually just dance with my friends, unless a guy asks me to dance.  Then, we'll usually dance to a song, he'll say see ya later, he'll come back, we'll dance some more, then he'll ask me for my number.  If he's cute, I'll give it to him; if not, I give out the Rejection Hotline.  I've given that number to three guys so far, who look so goofy and geeky with their wide smiles when they realized they've just gotten a "girl's number". You'd think guys would have memorized the number by now so they can tell if it's bogus when they get it.  All the girls have memorized it so that they can toy with guys' hearts.

Some douchebags will just come up to you if you're wearing a short skirt, and, without asking, start grinding on you from behind with their hands on your hips.  The sad thing is, most girls from single-sex schools will go with it and act like total sluts because even though they don't want to be a booty call, they want a real stable steady boyfriend, it's the only contact they have with boys.  It's sad, if you ask me, but I don't judge, because I've done it a few times as well.

One time, I saw this guy and this girl 'dancing'.  They were facing each other, but the guy had his hands up the girls skirt so, if you were standing behind her, you could see the shape of his hands on her ass against her tight black mini skirt.  He was smiling and swaying, feeling her up, and she was just smiling at his smile.  Poor chick.  She thought it was love.  Guess she doesn't understand lust.

If there's one thing I've learned about guys, it's that they can be total jerks one second, and love you the next.  They're not emotional like girls, just bipolar.  Like every single person on the planet, guy or gal, we change our minds.  We're bitches and sweethearts, lovers and fighters.  They only thing about guys is A) they get physical real fast if they're mad and B) they have no problem just saying what they feel.  Girls will sugarcoat things, like, "Um, sweetie, are you sure that's your size? It fits and all, but maybe you want it to be a little loose." While guys will just say, "That doesn't fit you.  Try a bigger size, maybe, or maybe we should just stop shopping for you."

Girls, although dramatic, get along famously with other girls they like.  Boys, although violent, get along in their playful punching way with other guys they like.  For some reason, girls and guys aren't really compatible.  

Just take my parents as an example.  My mom and dad, before they got divorced, always fought about the way one treated the other.  My dad would always leave to go out when he was mad at my mom.  And who did he go out with? His guy friends.  He said my mom was too emotional, and that she assumed that just because he was a guy she thought he didn't have any feelings.  Then she'd say of course you have feelings, you just don't want to talk about them.  Then he's throw something, a bowl, plate, mug, etc., and leave.  After a while, it just became routine.  So the day he left us for good, it didn't seem like such a big deal.  We were used to him not being around.  

For some oddball reason, girls that I know that go to co-ed school have guy friends that they've had since kindergarten, and they try to understand each other.  The girls say they know guys aren't as touchy-feely as they are, so they have to bring up stuff to talk about and force the guys to join.  My friend Bethany, who goes to co-ed school, says that he guy friends she's had forever are used to her drama queen monologues, but when she met a guy at the beginning of this year, he immediately wanted to be her boyfriend.  Then he refused to talk to her, he only wanted to make out, so she dumped him.... Relationships are so complicated.

So now I'm off to school, in my crisp button-down white collared shirt and my light blue school skirt.  Andrew and Matthew are off with me to start the walk.  Our schools are relatively close to each other, so we walk together every day.    

Basically, by telling you all this, I'm telling you that I don't know if having a boyfriend would do me any good.  Of course I want someone that's my absolute best friend, who I can talk to about anything, someone who I love and someone who loves me, and, eventually be in love with that person so we can kiss and stuff that couples do.  

The only thing I'm unsure of is if that person has to be a boy.  Or, rather, if I want it to be a boy.  I'm attracted to boys, but I'm attracted to girls, too.  The other day, I was talking to my one of my best friends, Zoey, and I actually though Wow, she's really hot.  Like crazy hot-- Wait, this is ZOEY.  I can't be thinking this- what? Just stop, Penny.

The entrance of my school looms before me, full of girls rushing to write that essay that's due last period that was forgotten, calling their moms because they forgot to email homework to themselves, but their moms don't know how to work their computers. 

I walk in, confused by my feelings towards myself and towards others.  It's like, with everyone I meet, regardless of gender, I think if I would want to be friends with them, if I hope I never see them again, if they're ugly or pretty or hot, and whether or not I'd like to make out with them.  It especially scares me because I haven't had my first kiss yet.  

I read stories all the time- fiction and non-fiction- about kids being ashamed of being "gay", or "lesbian", or "bi"/"bisexual".  Whenever I say those words to myself, I feel ashamed for thinking of having a girlfriend.  But when I think about the meaning, of having a relationship with someone special whether it be a boy or a girl, I feel like that's normal.  Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't have a girlfriend; just because I may or may not be a lesbian or be bi doesn't mean I'm different than any other girl, or any other person.  I haven't told anybody about this yet.  

I'm so scared they will believe me.  And then leave me.