After Laughter

After Laughter 1

"So Hayley, how do you feel that your album hits the highest selling album in this year?". The interviewer ask.

"Ahm. I really didn't know, it thought of not releasing it on the first place but now that people are enjoying, I kind of hate myself for stopping the recording back then."

"Wow. That was intriguing. Why is that? Why did you thought of not releasing?". She ask again.

"It has all my pain in my past."

On that simple answer makes me feel that I'm so pathetic. Hearing the crowds 'aaw' with full of pity and sadness. I hate it, that was one of my reasons on my thought of not releasing it.

"Well, maybe we have to skip questioning about the songs in it." she says.

I laugh a little. Then the crowd got on chorus again with that "aaw" but now full of disappointment.

"You're a new artist, a new singer, you are new to this industry, this career. How are you looking forward on it?" she ask.

"Honestly, I don't know. This album was my biggest shot to be in this industry, and on thinking of it? I've work the song for like years. Too many experiences, hatreds, pains and so many more negative things that happened to me makes me want to write this songs. So I think I need more time on my furure to write songs that will be good as this songs are."

I admit it, it was painful. But I love the songs, I love how it turned out. Even it's full of pain.

"How did you start writing songs, I mean yes from your experiences, but how can you manage to write when you're depressed. Because me I don't wanna do things when I'm depress I just want to eat."

I laugh as the crowd laughs too.

"Music's been with since I was a kid. I kind of try to write poems and short stories and I don't know yea maybe songs, but back then I doesn't have any instruments so I just write what I want. And since I was a kid I'm full of depression, I mean when my mom and dad died, I had to stay to my aunty whose really strict. As a little kid I didn't enjoy my childhood I hated it, but music saves me on bad things that a depressed person does, like being reveled and suicides. And writing makes me feel free and it makes me feel better, like every pain I have I am releasing it on the ink of my pen."

"That is really sad, I'm sorry." the interviewer said with teary eyes.

I just smile and nod.

"You really had a painful past, I wish you'll get better as now that you've stepped in into another chapter of your life."

"Thank you." I simply reply.

I felt the crowds pity on me. We're on their middle, on a showbiz TV show. It is designed to be interviewed in the middle of the audience, so it kinds feel so crowded. Which makes me feel uncomfortable. I really hate it.

"So now, can we talk about that pain? Is it okay if we ask about the songs?" she ask.

"Yea sure. That's why I'm here for right? You all wanna know what's behind those songs." I said.

I don't really want to share it but, I'm in this industry I need to, supporters need to know a lot of things about you to make them love you. And I'm starting this new life, I want it to be perfect as I know it will never be. So I guess I just have to go with my life flaws. Let my problem, problems me. Hmm. I'm so pathetic.

"Hard Times. The story of it is in the title itself. It was one of my hard times where I just don't want to live but don't want to die either...

It was when we had a fight, where he thought that I only know small details of that fight but no. I know all his lies it just makes me feel more pain when I talked about it with him because he never change, I just don't know why I keep going with him. I didn't had a single thought of letting him go but just forgive him, I'm pathetic, dumb and am idiot. I hate it....