The alarm rang early. He reached out and switched it off without really waking up. However, an idea persisted this was the day, this was The Beginning.
God sat bolt upright. This was not a day for lazing about in bed. Today was the day to begin His new creation. He swung His legs out of bed and felt for His slippers. He stubbed His toe on the gazunder. There was no point in swearing as you can’t exactly take your own name in vain. It was very dark and cold in the mornings. He would have to do something about that, maybe make a big ball of fire to provide warmth and light for His creation. So He said LET THERE BE LIGHT, and there was light. He made His way down the stairs guided by the delicious odour of bacon and pork sausages. Gorgeous that, you could spend your life eating nothing else. It could become quite a vice. He frowned. He’d have to put a stop to that.
God’s wife was up betimes and bustling about in a hurry. He was always coming in with mud on His boots and she wanted Him out of the house so that she could wash the kitchen floor. She nagged Him as she served breakfast.
“I don’t know why we have to have a wooden floor in here, a nice stone one would be easier to keep clean. Or terracotta tiles; they’re made of fired clay and ever so hard wearing.”
God thought about this as He put on His boots. His creation would need a good, hard base to walk on, stone would be ideal. God was not above seeking advice or collaboration from some of the lesser gods, so He set off to see Pluto.
“I want a solid stone base for my creation,” explained God. “Flat but with wrinkly bits to make it more interesting.”
Pluto thought he could manage that. In fact, he was quite excited by the idea. It would give him an opportunity to try out some experiments he’d been working on with his friend Vulcan. “No problem. I should get that done in a couple of days, I’d think.”God smiled to Himself as He walked back to His workshop. Pluto could be trusted to turn out a good, firm basis for His creation. But first He would have to make a place for it, some kind of space. God thought up a blackboard and chalk. Looking at the piece of chalk, an idea struck Him. Wouldn’t it be fun to make chalk from the bodies and skeletons of long-dead creatures. That was for later though, He had to make somewhere for them to live first.
His place would have to be empty space but that didn’t mean that it couldn’t have something in it. It would have to be governed by laws. (God liked Laws.) There would have to be little laws for little things and big ones for bigger things but all would have to be related and depend on one universal law to bind them together. He would call it the Universal Law. He thought a little more and then decided to call it the Universal Law of Relativity. He liked that – a bit more subtle.God’s brain wasn’t quite as good as Einstein’s but His math was better. He soon had the blackboard covered in complex equations and obscure symbols. By dinner time He had a satisfactory collection of laws to cover every kind of matter that He chose to make. He stood back and contemplated the board. A little tweak here or there but basically He had as good a design for creation as you could make. He’d get it up and running in the morning and He could always make adjustments to the system later.
Next morning God was in a really bad mood. He hadn’t been able to sleep because of the brilliant light shining in His eyes. He’d been forced to turn it off and decided it should always go out at night. It wasn’t any better downstairs. His wife was complaining about the stone floor He’d installed in the kitchen. “It’s freezing cold to walk on. We need a carpet in here just like the one in the living room and, by the way, that needs renewing. It’s worn away to holes in the middle, a positive disgrace it is. Just as well we never get any visitors.”
God couldn’t wait to get out of the house and down to His workshop. The patterns and equations on the blackboard seemed to be swirling about, desperately seeking to become. He spent the morning checking a few calculations and tidying up a bit. “Why wait any longer. Might as well get it going.”
