Undecided

Irreversible

What have I gotten myself into? I ask myself, afraid of my past but even more afraid of what lies in the future.I see her and she's the same the same eyes,nose lips and the same puppy dog-type of impression but I know it's not true because she's so much stronger than I am and so much stronger than I will ever be but I still don't know if she's strong enough to face what I'm about to tell her and I know I'm gonna want to kill myself afterwards.I walk towards her slowly, hoping I'd forget what I have to say and hoping she'll do it and I don't have to.

The moment I've dreaded for so long has finally arrived , I take a long breath and start off before she puts me off topic "I'm not in love with you anymore,things have changed between us and I like Mia better and she likes me too.I'm sorry." And just like that I saw her heart break,I could see it all over her face and she looks like she's seen a ghost and I expect her to look at me furiously but then she,being the Angel she always always was says "Oh I've known for a while now,I should have let you go sooner and I hope you find the happiness I could ever give you.Thanks for teaching me forever is a fairytale.Goodbye Jack!"and she skips off like it's nothing but I know the tears she's hiding.I wish I could go hug her but then this is the choice I made keeping in mind everything.Goodbye Rose I whisper even though she can't hear me.

I know for a fact there will always be a special place for her in my heart but that's not enough.A hole burns in my heart now,a hole I don't think I can ever fill,I hole I don't want to fill.All my memories of her flash by, the first time we held hands ,our first hug,the way she said yes, our little forever.I wanted that forever.I really did but now I taught myself a forever is impossible but I hope she gets one because she deserves one.
I dig my nails into my palms, an old habit,hoping the tough part is over,hoping the storm has passed.I fish out my phone and look for her pictures in my gallery and there she is,smiling at me like nothing changed but then it did and there's no going back.