Fate is untitled

'Destiny'

 As I grew up, I always pondered on the workings of 'destiny' and so called 'fate'. I found it amazing that people trusted that they were a part of a bigger plan - not of the life they had crafted for themselves- the strenuous 9-5, day- in- day-out, crawl of humanity, the birth, work, die ritual of out species- but of something higher, something divine. This nihilism was ingrained into my personality from an early age. People came into my life, only to leave. Friends, family, people I loved all came to pass and why should I expect any more, I'm nothing. A speck, a drop of water, a molecule in this universe. Then again, I guess you don't always wait for destiny. Sometimes you make it happen. 

I spent my younger years in Oklahoma - The Sooner State- I'd always say ' the sooner we leave this hell hole the better', but it wasn't a bad life. My farther was 33 at t he time of my birth, now 49, he looked ragged and rough from his years working as a door to door salesman- the American dream in all its glory. I had a sister - 3 years my superior- who liked to imagine she was better than me in every way. ' The golden girl' she called herself, that was, until she failed the exam to get into state college and got pregnant by some jock who never called her back. She'd always argue ' If I wasn't still drunk before the exam,I'd have gotten in' and truth be told, I don't doubt that, but I'd never let her forget it either.

Our mother left when I was 2 to go to LA with some guy she'd met at her drama class who said she had 'big potential'. Nearly 15 years later, she was in LA, raising to more kids by that some guy. The guy who had beaten her, got her hooked on drugs, stolen from her and cheated on her constantly but as much as  I don't want to believe in karma and although it's not a nice thing to say, she deserves it.