Say Something

Song credit: A Great Big World Featuring Christina Aguilera

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Everything, anything, one thing. At least something, her lonely heart requested seeing him stare at her briefly before turning his back on her, he steered her entire existence yet he disregarded her presence in a blink, so simply; so easily. A feel of shame washed through her, was she not worth even a gaze? Three years, three long years yet not a word, not of compassion nor care; never mind love. All through their journey from being friends to lovers, she hoped to hear one word; just one word to signify her position in his life which never came and now standing at the threshold of their home, she knew it'll never come.

I'll be the one, if you want me to

It was her simple wish, to be his anchor; his support system; his only family. When she left her own, they had angrily shouted that she would never be happy, that he was never the one for her yet she ignored and today she stands where they assumed she'd be. All alone and broken, ripped by a man she truly loved.

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Tears circled in her eyes but she refused to let him know how much it killed her to finally make the decision to stop following. She was done with following, she'd followed him from her house to his and from the kitchen straight to the pub. Everyday she'll follow his rules, everyday she'll mend herself to his expectations. 'You're too skinny', he'd say and the next she's baking herself to 'you're too fat'. From happy to depressed, she never realised when she went from being a cheery girl to a dark soul. She followed him to a path that lead to her destruction and he was nowhere in sight. But even with all the following she was still a mile behind, while he managed to gallop ahead with a new girl at each station, at each corner and at each junction. Her following lead to only one thing: her heart break, maybe anywhere wasn't possible.

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Picking up her luggage of pain, she looked back at him who looked like nothing's changed, he was still the jolly man she first met. It was her who changed, it was her who wore the samples of their love, the bruises; the cuts and the marks timely blurring her life. 'I'll be over in a few minutes darling' she heard him say into the phone, cutting her raw wound into two. Didn't he call her the same just a few minutes ago? Turning back he smiled innocently at her, the same smile she fell in love with. Was she ready to give up on him? His smile, charisma, affection had her still swooning in his love. Can she let another woman take what solely belonged her? Lifting her leg she tied to step ahead, to ignore him like the way he did just a second ago but taking a step ahead was even harder than she thought. Giving up on him wasn't an idea she homed even when she tried to give up on herself. When she couldn't free herself from him, she thought to free her soul instead by drowning herself in the bathtub, or while walking in front of a zooming car or when she anchored a knife dangerously on her wrist but in the end she fell short. She was too weak, he often said; she couldn't kill herself then and living without him now seemed impossible. After all he was her first love. First love is like the first cut, it may hurt but is a possession that eventually heals but always leaves a scar. Can she live with this scar for the rest of her life?

And I am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

It's hard, hard to live with someone when time again he reminds you of your worth. 'Stay away from my business' he'd slap onto her delicate face, bruising her heart, which was slowing dying a silent death. He trampled far too often over her respect, making her feel unwanted and uncared for. She gave up her parents, her siblings and her friends just to please him and what did he do for her? He made her feel worthless. 'She's nobody' he'll introduce to his friends while she stood there drinking her own tears watching him dance with unknown strangers. Further dissolving her existence into nothing, absolutely nothing. 'Darling I'm sorry' he'll shout the next day, he's stupid didn't she know that he'll question again bringing her to where she was, confused. Was this a norm in love?

And I will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

'No his not like that' she attacked the first time her friends accused him of unfaithfulness. She managed to walk away from anybody that ever dared to say one bad word against him but still stuck to him, when in reality it was he that was bad for her? She had confused him as her pride, her mirror, her love. Is love that stupid? Is love blind too? She found herself walking through the blazing heat without any protection. Slowly crawling towards destruction, loving a man whom she thought she knew. Repeatedly stumbling into a black pit doubting her self-worth. She who knew how to love him never learnt how to love herself, it seems!

And I will swallow my pride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

'But I love you' she had said to him but he just laughed in her face pushing her away. She bore her heart to him and he mercilessly crushed it again and again. Faces of sadness, sympathy and pity tore the charade she was living in. He probably was her love, but she wasn't his? Finally finding the courage she ran upstairs with new resolve, this wasn't right. 'Where are you going?' he asked seeing her walk down with a luggage, the vibrant atmosphere turned uncanny all of a sudden. His friends where gone and so was the music. 'I'm leaving' she said securing her fingers around the suitcase handle. 'Goodbye' was all she could whisper feeling blood ooze down the lips which he just presented her with, her final gift; a parting reward from her love.

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

And anywhere, I would have followed you

Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I'm giving up on you

She found herself still at the door, he looked at her one final time before leaving for the kitchen expecting her to come back. Sadly, a part of her wanted to go back; if not to him then to the only place she knew as home. But she couldn't, she wouldn't. Finally she staggered forward towards the open leaving him behind. Realising that her adaptation to his dark side was uncalled her, he may have flawlessly killed her being but he couldn't kill her entire existence. The rain soaked through her shirt, every single fabric glued to her body hiding her shame and hurt. She followed the same path which brought her to him but this time to end it. She was finally giving up on him

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Yes she was giving up on him and his abuse. She was giving up on him and his lies. She was giving up on him and giving herself a chance. A chance to find herself, to rediscover herself and to help herself out of her depressed state. 'No more words were required, his something didn't matter no more' she told herself while walking through the pouring rain because she has to give up on him and save herself.

***********

Say something

Far in the distance a silhouette of a girl could be seen, a girl with much load but not of pain. It's more of hope and courage. The girl who walked through the heavy rain and lightning in full confidence, maybe he did have a hand in making her brave because this girl didn't even flinch when the acidic rain burned her open wounds. If she could handle this much, then she can hold on a bit longer to achieve what she deserves and that is appreciation, care and happiness.