jet black heart ❀ [muke au]

o n e

❀ m i c h a e l ❀

i lay on the couch in the living room. my best mates surround me and i still feel alone.

i close my eyes.

"mikey, let's go," luke says, shaking me slightly.

i sit up, slumped over.

"i don't want to go," i state firmly.

luke grabs my wrist and says, "mikey, you need go."

i pull my hand away. "i said i don't want to go. there's nothing wrong with me."

luke grabs my wrist and pulls up my sleeve, revealing a bunch of deep cuts.

"oh my god.." calum trails off.

tears well in my eyes and luke pulls me close. "please go.."

i remove myself from luke and stand up. "let's go."

luke takes my hand and we walk outside. calum and ashton follow behind us.

❀

i sit in the therapist's office. i bounce my leg.

"michael clifford?" a tall dark lady asks. luke, calum, and ashton look at me expectantly. "go," luke says softly.

i stand up.

"hi, i am beth. you must be michael?" she says as walks towards me. "yeah.."

i follow her into her office. it's a nice room. velvet chairs. an aroma pod with the scent of lemon.

"have a seat, relax," she says and i sit down.

"i'd like to know about you, is that okay?" she asks me.

"you already have info about me," i mumble out loud.

"hm?" she stares at me.

"i'm michael clifford and i'm diagnosed with chronic depression. i self-harm to control some of the pain. i starve myself. i don't deserve love, i deserve hate. i'm gay for my best friend. i am a fucking fag."

i notice my eyes watering, so I quickly wipe my eyes.

"michael, it is totally okay to cry. heck, i cry every now and then," beth with a soft smile.

❀

the appointment just consisted of questions and the occasional, "yeah, it's okay."

luke is the first to greet me. he has a beverage his hand. "for going to therapy," he says with a smile. i take the beverage and take a sip. sprite.

he takes my hand and we walk, hand in hand.

calum and ashton follow behind us.