Another sleepless night. She could feel the voices start again as she opens her eyes rather slowly. The voices in her head won't stop, they're only getting louder. Louder and louder. The voices won't stop. She tries to shut her eyes, but the voices keep getting louder and louder. You can't do this. You'll fail like you always do. You can't do this. The word "failure" echoes in her head, over and over again. She could sense the rhythmical beat of her heart. She could feel her hands trembling in rage; she just wants it to stop, she wants the voices to stop. The word "failure" boils her skin, creeping into her veins. It needs to stop. She's had enough self -hate through the past years; every year she's crying herself to sleep, drowning in self-pity.
Is it normal? The question plays in her mind. Is hating yourself part of what creates a better you? Makes you stronger? Is crying yourself to sleep part of this sick game? She could feel the bitterness of the question rolling onto her tongue.
She sighs. It's either now or never.
Her eyes flicker to the brightness of the phone in the darkness of the night, it was just two in the morning. Hopping off the bed, she takes a few steps to get a better view of the stars. As she stared, she couldn't help but mesmerise every single star with its uniqueness. They are just shiny silvery-blue dots in the sky, yet they burned the sky with their fire. The beauty of the universe. The beauty of something humans don't own: the world. A smile finds its way onto her lips. The darkness fills the place and she's suddenly lost in the beauty of everything around her.
And the questions start. The doubt begins. The self-hate and defeatism continue.
Can I do this? Can I do this after failing every time? After getting rejected by publishers many times?Can I start again? Am I even worth this? I hate myself. I hate everything about me. I hate my thoughts. I hate myself. I hate my insecurities that seem to always crush my dreams. I hate my self-doubts. I hate it all. I hate the voices. I hate it all. "Please stop." She whispers in a low voice. I'm hating myself, even more, I'm drowning in self-hate. I'm drowning in my doubts.
And I can't seem to find a way out.
What is the meaning of Life? Is it based on what's beneath your flaws? Is it about your uniqueness? Is it about discovering yourself? Or is it about becoming the best version of you? What is it about Life that makes people commit suicide? Is it the doubts, insecurities, hatred, or bullying? Or is it about losing yourself and never finding a way out? Your thoughts drown you; turn you into someone you never imagined to be. The silent tears and your hushed screams rolling into the back of your mind as you slowly end the pain, you end it all.
Seconds, minutes, hours passed by as she was staring, just lost in her thoughts.
Fck this. I can do it all. I can reach my goal. I can reach my dreams. Even if I fail again, I will start all over. And this time, nothing can stop me, not even my thoughts, and not even rejection.
She grabs her laptop and starts typing. It was a fresh start, a start again.
It starts with what's Beneath Your Flaws, loving your flaws, and appreciating your uniqueness. No matter how many times you get rejected by people--- of any kind--- do what you love to do and love yourself .
+ She might be anyone, you or even me.+
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Beneath Your Flaws #MindOverMatterContest
RandomEver felt like you're worth nothing? Ever felt like you're drowning in insecurities and self-doubts? Ever felt like your dreams are crushed by the doubts? Ever felt damaged? Ever like crying yourself to sleep every night? Follow 'she' as she quest...
