She had seemed more distant now, I’m not sure why. Here I was breaking down for the third time today, alone. Like always. Actually no it hadn’t always been like this. Just last month we were cuddling under the moonlight.
I don’t even know where she is right now, its killing me. I can’t see and its not even because my tears are fogging up my sight, I broke my glasses in anger. I hate myself, because I don’t know what I did but she hates me. I know it. She denies to her friends that she likes me in anyway. I love her so much. My heart is hurting. Every moment we spent together lives within my heart and when she was sad i was there to dry her tears.
I was always there for her, through thick and thin. Through the summer and fall, we had each other. Just she and I together, like it was meant to be. Forever and ever, but it didn’t last that long did it? I always try to joke it off and laugh, but it doesn’t help. The guys have noticed the difference in me in the last few weeks. How much I’ve changed: laughing less, talking less and letting my tears overcome me.
I even contemplated self harm, because when she loved me it was beautiful, I felt alive. Now she was gone it didn’t matter if I was here all the pain, i wanted it to stop. Weeks went by as I stayed the same and she began to drift away. When I had told her I loved her, waiting for her to say it back, she just smiled like she loved me. When she was lonely, I was there to comfort her, hold her against me, kissing her head telling her I was here for her. She lit up my whole world, because when somebody loved me everything was beautiful. They sky seemed brighter, birds sang louder and the smile on my face never failed to show.
Looking around all I saw was fuzzy darkness, the sound of nothing, matching how i was inside. She denies she ever loved me, that she never will. So I guess who ever is reading this, this is my goodbye. Tell my homies I love them, but no matter how much love they tried to give me it was never half as much as how I loved her.
Tell my family, it was for love and that I want my mama to have puppy chef, chef always had a soft spot for her. Tell everyone I’ll miss them, but I can’t go on like this anymore.
Finally, tell her. Tell the love of my life, that’s its not her fault. It’s always my fault. I don’t know what I did, but I’m sure I deserve it. So please take care and I hope you find happiness in life. Marry the greatest man in existence and have beautiful little children.
This is my goodbye note to the world, you weren’t very kind on me, but life never was fair. So good bye the actual world and my world.
Delaney.
Yours truly,
Edwin Cardona Jr.
