To Be Human [Kamisama Hajimemashite (Kamisama Kiss)]

To Be Human

    Nanami sat cross-legged on her futon, holding her arms across her chest, her fingers digging into her skin. She just wished Tomoe would come through the sliding door, sit beside her, and tell her how he felt. He had recently become accustomed to sharing her room, but after the incident in Yomi, he slept in his old room.

He didn't fight with Mizuki. He didn't neglect his duties, but he wasn't as doting. He even began to walk past Mikage without a second glance, something extremely out of place considering the respect he had for the god.

And well, Nanami... he wouldn't touch her. 

Maybe for the fact of seeing his friend, trapped in a human body, fall apart like frail autumn leaves atop the mountain in that cursed Yomi. He had seen the fragility of the human body firsthand, and Nanami was no exception. She may have been a goddess, but her body was that of a delicate young girl. Tomoe could not even bare to brush shoulders with her in the halls. He was afraid the wrong move would crush her.

Even now, he longed to sit beside Nanami as much as she wished for him to be there. But there he sat, just outside the sliding doors, head resting on the panels while he choked down the want to cry. What kind of shinshi would cry for his god? He had too much pride to let go.

But god, how he wanted to open the doors, hug Nanami and fall apart in her arms as he lamented over the death of Akura-ou. He wanted to kiss her, to tell her that it didn't effect him as much as it did, and assure her that everything was going to be all right.

But every time he looked at her eyes, he saw the eyes of Kirihito, the body Akura-ou possessed. He looked at her and saw her body atop the mountain in Yomi, engulfed in the eternal flames and withering away before he could reach her. She had been so close to death many times before, this past time the closest. Yatori said she had six months to live, and if Akura-ou hadn't found selflessness in his dying moments enough to give her his remaining years, she might be dead.

Tomoe felt a sort of guilt knowing that the only reason Nanami lived was because Akura-ou died. It was unfair, even with such intentions his friend had, that he died that way. But it was better than the loneliness he would've fallen back into as a bodiless entity.

"I'm sorry for thinking of Nanami when I should be grieving you, Brother." Tomoe whispered in the lightest voice he could. But Nanami's ears were heightened, searching for any sound that Tomoe was near.

She moved from the futon and quietly to the door. She reached her hand out, but hesitated.

"What if he can't talk about it? What if he needs to sort it out on his own? What if it's not the right time? What if I'm inconveniencing him? What if this isn't something I can be there for...?" she thought, her mind racing with fear and "what if" s.

But the reluctance was momentary. She needed to be there, beside him, where she belonged. If he pushed her away adamantly, she would leave him alone and give him space. But...if he just needed a nudge to break loose... well, that was something she specialized in.

She gripped the door and slid it open, Tomoe's head falling a bit as he was leaning on it. He quickly regained his composure, turning to the goddess with a hopeless and slightly surprised look on his face.

The girl said nothing, leaning to him and immediately throwing her arms around him. She held him as they knelt on the carpet together. Tomoe's eyes were wide for just a moment before he clenched them tightly. He was afraid he might cry if he kept them open.

Nanami's grip tightened after a bit. She showed no signs of letting him go, even after minutes of just staying together like that.

"It's okay, Tomoe. Let go." She finally whispered. And he could no longer stop the tears from falling.

He was ashamed, but he couldn't hold them back. He hadn't cried since the incident, or, in fact, a very long time before. But Nanami was an impossible girl, able to break even the toughest. She had even made Akura-ou fall for her...

Akura-ou... the demon king. He was the embodiment of evil and yet, he learned to love the fragile creatures he tormented. It was his undoing. It was his death.

But, it was also Nanami's life.

His hands itched to hug her back. His arms almost moved on their own. He paused, clenching his fists, too afraid to touch her.

But, in this moment, Mikage's words came back to him. Those wise words made him remember despite the times he'd saved the girl from danger... she had also saved him many times before. Mikage said that she wasn't weak, in fact, she was quite strong. If Tomoe remembered correctly, the words were,

"If humans were weak, we would have many more visitors to the shrine... But if Nanami was weak, we'd have no one."

The aching in his arms made him unclench his fists. The tears halted and Tomoe pulled slowly from Nanami's grip.

She was terrified that he was going to stand and walk away. She was afraid he would not let her be there for him anymore, and he would continue to keep his distance.

But as soon as Tomoe pulled away, his puffy, red eyes looked into Nanami's with a different shine.

She could see hope glimmer for him in the violet blue. But she still did not expect him to do as he did next.

He grabbed her face gently, treading lightly on the fears of his, and kissed her. He hadn't kissed Nanami in so long and while she wanted more, he did not provide it. Instead, he pulled away, hugging her with force this time. 

She wasn't weak. She was fearless, hopeful, and yes, reckless, but the one thing she was not was weak.

If any human could handle that wild fox, it was Nanami.