trying to find your old self

this is done after deeks' and sam's torture and could go on for however long aha. enjoy it 

nicky x 

deeks pov:

Its been 6 months since ive seen kensi after my kidnapping. Its been hard but I’m getting through it. I wasn’t trained to get through this unlike sam hanna. Sam Hanna earlier that day told me he didn’t like me due to they way I look which made my self-confidence go straight back down to zero where it was at 1 before after my own father tried to shoot me with a rifle. I saved sam’s life after him getting thrown into the pool. I resuscitated him to only be turtorted about his wife which I didn’t spill. I was weak I was so close to telling but that’s when kensi came when I thought she would take us and get out but no she left and put a bullet proof vest on under my jacket. That’s when I lost hope and was ready to die and not give up sams life. Let everyone have a better life than I had, than I will. I kissed kensi 6 months ago on the same day of the kidnapping. She ran away of course as she always does when someone cares about her.  I thought about going back to work but its all getting to much and that’s when I started going back to my old ways. No its not drinking my self silly (I do, do that) not take drugs, but cutting. It got me through the times of abuse I got from the one person I thought cared, my mother, when I lost my sistyer due to my fathers own stupidness, and my own father beating the shit out me. I thought I belonged in NCIS, but after what sam said I didn’t. I didn’t belong at LAPD but I needed to help those who had a childhood like mine and help the children who had abusive parents and just bad homes.

Kensi’s pov:

Its been 6 months since I saw deeks. I go to his house everyday after the long working hours I spend with G and Sam. Deeks never opens the door though, he never answers his phone, answers his texts. Its annoying but I can understand why hes pissed at me and at sam as he told me what he said to deeks earlier that day. Yes that annoyed me and I was pissed at sam for a while but I got over it. Sam still feels guilty and visits his house every morning before work but still no answer from him.  Today if deeks doesn’t answer the door im going to break in as no ones heard from him since the torture.

In the office.

Kensi is sitting at her desk staring at the computer screen just about to send an email to deeks while sam is on the phone to his wife and children as its there sports day but sadly he cant be there, while G is in hetty’s office talking about the return of deeks.

G: hetty when is deeks coming back, kensi’s getting lonely and its no good, we need a team of 4, I know its been  6 months and deeks hasn’t been trained to handle this but he need to come back soon or we’ll have to look for a new agent.

H: I know what you mean mr callen. Im going to speak to him today and tell him we need an answer by next Monday.

With that the double doors open and in walks the shaggy haired blue eyed detective deeks looking normal but his eyes saying the complete opposite. He walks in to hettys office. Him not being noticed by kensi or Sam only by callen and hetty. Callen gives him a bro hug and walks back to his desk while hetty and deeks talk about his return.

H: master deeks on your return you will need to have a syc eval to see if you can handle these situations. I will set this up for some today but I will also have to see if you can shoot your gun so come with me and we can go test this out right now. Martin you have to talk to mr hanna and miss blye as well as I have heard hyou have been avoiding them. You need to work as a team and if you cant communicate this will be very difficult.

Deeks follows hetty to the shooting range while the three talk about the return of deeks

G: hey deeks will be back soon

Kensi’s and sam’s head shoot up

K: what do u mean G?

G: well he came in and talked to hetty and now theyre going to the shooting range.

S: I need to talk to him once he’s done there

K: we all do sam. I think I need to first though

S: no kensi, he saved my life, and my whole families life and then I told him I didn’t think he fit in cause of the way he acted and the way the looked I need to explain and get this done with.

G: guys stop I think if he wants to talk to you he will don’t force yourself on him. He wasn’t trained for this but he got through this. Let him talk to you in time.