Haley, I am sorry

Chapter I - The Realization

I just woke up, but did I really, or is just a dream? I can't feel anything, I can't feel my arms, I can't feel my legs. There is no sound, there is no trace of light. I am wondering if I am deaf, I am wondering if I am blind. The last thing I remember is bringing my little daughter Haley to school, oh my little Haley, what wouldn't I give to hug her and feel her warmth over my cold chest. I am wondering how can I feel the cold if I can't feel my body, how can I feel this cold surrounding me? I feel it and is annoying, it disturbs my peace, my silent peace. I can't see anything, even if I try to move my eyes. Do they really move or is just my impression? I am getting crazy, that's it, I am just letting a dream driving me crazy. But if I am dreaming, then I am lucid dreaming... wait... I can think? YES! I can think. Then why is this happening? Why can't I just imagine something, all I can see is black. I can't even form a mental image of Haley's face, how come I can't remember it. Those eyes, that beautiful and blonde curly hair, that smile, the same smile her mother had on our wedding, the same smile she had when she left me broke... STOP JERRY! You have to focus! You have to focus! What is happening to you? If it is a dream, then you have to wake up, Jerry, you have to wake up. You have to go to your daughter, Jerry, she needs you! She needs you, Jerry! Think about something, think about something. Nothing, I just can't dream about anything, I only see black in front of my eyes. Am I in a coma? If yes, what happened to me, what happened to Haley, did she get to school? Forget about school! Is she fine? She was just on the back seat, she was playing with her seatbelt...she was playing with her seatbelt.. SHE KNOWS SHE CAN'T DO THIS! SHE KNOWS IT IS VERY DANGEROUS TO DO THIS? WHY HAS SHE DONE THAT, WHYY?? Why...Ok I should calm down, maybe nothing happened to her, maybe I just had an accident and she is perfectly fine, yes she is perfectly fine, of course she is. I did everything to protect her and keep her away from the danger... I did.. didn't I? No, I didn't.. If she is in the same condition as I am, is only my fault, MY FAULT! No...Is her mother's fault, she left us, she left us alone...She even asked me to forget, how, how should I forget about her? How should I forget about all our life together? How should I forget when every day I see Haley.. My beautiful Haley. I always acted good with her, and I always wanted to be both, father and mother for her. She is a good girl, she is really a good girl but today she really made me mad, she really did...But was it worth it? Did she really mean to make me mad? No she didn't, is not her fault...She is just a kid and...She never was in the car...She wasn't playing with the seatbelt...She was never in the back seat...Then what was the sound that made me turn around...Was...Was...HEY! HEY! A DOOR IS OPENING!! I CAN SEE SOMEBODY BUT I CAN'T TALK! Am I in an hospital? Is that a doctor? Why is he putting a tag on my toe...HEY!! CAN YOU HEAR ME?? NO...No...Don't go...He is gone, he just left me alone as I was before, but now I understand, I am just paralyzed, I am not deaf, I am not blind, just paralyzed. Is there someone near me? I can't turn around but I can watch in the mirror that stands right in front of me. I can barely see, but, is this Haley? YES, IS HALEY!! I could recognize this hair over 1000. Why is she just lying there? Is she paralyzed as well? Is she still mad that I hurt her and she doesn't want to talk to me? Or is she dead? And so am I?