Discovering Myself in Pride

Realization and Acceptence

When you are confused about you're sexuality, it isn't easy to determine who you are. At one moment, you thought you were normal like everyone else, because you thought that you only liked the opposite gender. But then the next moment, you have to rethink every decision you made. Coming out to others isn't the biggest issue i had. The biggest issue i had, was coming out to myself. I used to be so scared to come out to myself and accept the fact that i was different. I would try to only focus on the opposite gender. But eventually, i gave up on trying to convince myself that i was normal. I knew that i wasn't totally normal. When i was 9, i had developed a crush on my friend. I couldn't not notice the looks of her when she would be in front of me. I would notice every detail of her. The way her dress had a v- neck line that went down her chest very low. The way her hair was always fluffy because of her perfect pinn curls. The way her laugh sounded like bells and her voice became so soft. So soft that you couldn't almost hear it. Her gentle touch was enough to send shivers down my spine, and make goosebumps appear on my arms. Though she never noticed the way she affected me. I never understood what was going on. How could i be feeling that way? I would get so confused because sometimes, women would have that same affect on me too. But so did some men. When i was 11, a new neighbor moved into my neighborhood. He was very handsome. I develpoed a crush on him too. I couldn't help but look at how his clothes hugged his body nicely, and the way he would wear his beanie hat. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Because i didn't know what the hell was going on, i just assumed that the time that those women would affect me in that way, was just a phase that i would soon get over. But that phase became never ending. Eventually i ended up accepting the fact that i was indeed different. I started to identify myself as " Bisexual ". I still identify myself as bi. But i haven't came out to my family. So around them, im just straight. But in reality, im not.