Inner Madness

Confusion Is All That Is Known

Murder...Murder is what this is. I don't care what excuses or reasons I or anyone else in this scenario has, this is murder.

The knife continued to feel heavier the closer I got to my victim. Every small step sent a shiver down my spine and a tear down my cheek.

The memories of why I was here came into my mind, the conversation I had had with my fiancé about this started to feel less valid, my original thoughts about this came back, murder.

Nonetheless, I slowly started to move across the ground and rested over the male that was to be my first victim.

His breathing was erratic as if he knew what was about to happen, but how could he? He had been resting since I had entered his home.

I looked at the knife, I could already imagine the blood splattered on the blade and dripping down onto the hilt soaking my hand in the process.

The words that my fiancé had spoken pierced my ears, "You know that this is the only way, if you don't do it then he won't respect you."

Why did I want this man to respect me anyway?

He was everything that I hated, stood for everything that I saw wrong in this world, yet here I was doing something that he had done a thousand times. How could he have done this so many times? My hands were shaking at the prospect of doing it once.

I shook the thought out of my head. I knew why I needed his respect. I had to plunge this knife into this male's chest.

Was it worth it though? Were the benefits that I would gain from this enough for me to forget this moment and move on with my life in a new respected glory.

All I had to do was pierce this male's skin and end his life.

Sounds so simple. I had heard about people doing this kind of thing since I was a young person, but I never thought that I would find myself in this situation.

I looked back across the way I had come and met the eyes of the man I had been instructed to impress, he had come along to see if I could do it.

He gave me a stern look waiting to see if I could do it. He had already done all of the hard work and had put the male to sleep all I had to do was finish the job.

I thought that if I closed my eyes I could do it easier, instead as I closed my eyes I didn't see black as I used to, but rather I saw blood, the blood that I was about to spill.

I opened my eyes trying to escape that image and looked at the male, he looked so innocent, twelve at most, I suppose for the likes of him that was old.

I took a deep breath and lifted the knife high above my head.

I was doing this, I had to do this.

If I wanted my life to go the way that I wanted it to, I had to do it.

I let out a cry as I thrust the knife down and felt the blade pierce the skin.

The male's eyes shot open in surprise its bright blue eyes pierced into my own.

I pulled out the knife and the red blood spurted out with it. I hadn't made it clean, the male was screaming, which only caused my tears to come at a more rapid pace.

"Shhhh," I said as I bent down to its ear, "It'll all be over soon," I assured it.

A moment of agony for both him and I passed before the body stopped moving and its eyes closed, its tongue hung out dropping down to the ground.

A breeze sent a chill down my back and caused my skin to feel much colder than it should have.

I looked up at the trees and the bright blue sky then back down again at the deer that I had just killed.

A firm hand patted my shoulder, shocking me so much that I jumped and almost impaled myself with the knife.

"Careful there mate, that knife is sharp" Muttered a deep voice.

My soon to be father in law knelt down next to the bloodied dead deer.

"This one was a beaut wasn't he?" He said looking over the body, "It is going to make a great wall mount and a great wedding present."

I nodded, defeated at the fact that I was now a murderer and now had a reminder of that every time I walked into my lounge room.