(FREE TO READ) Bad Moon

chapter 41; distraction

The heart of the Sigvard's home had gone dark, the dining room lit by a single candle in the middle. And though Alex had curled up on the couch, looking pale and nursing his stomach, Sadie hadn't given up on the protection spell they'd started casting together.

It didn't matter that she didn't believe. She wanted to help, and if this was all she could do, then dammit she'd do her best.

This time, Alex set a bowl of water in front of her. "Water for protection," he'd said. So Sadie focused on the fire's reflection and she spoke the spell he'd given her.

Water wash away the dark,

The ones I love seek your protection,

Mighty current carry fears,

Guide them in the right direction.

It was only poetry to her, but Alex said the words didn't matter as long as she believed in them, so she lost herself to the rhythm—in the water and the way it moved without really moving at all. It shivered every now and then, gold beneath the dancing flame.

Something heavy set in her heart as she watched the liquid ripple.

Gold and purple; their high school pride colors.

She remembered passing beneath the school banister—beyond the walls with all the names of the pride team stapled to the cork. Pride. What a stupid name for a club like that. There was nothing prideful about the the pride club.

The group was run by the school treasurer, filled with not his peers but his friends—the holy trinity of cliche high school cliques, widely envied in every teen movie and 80's classic; the cheerleaders, the football player, the conventionally attractive.

They were nothing more than a decoration committee, lavishing the school in photos of themselves, garish campaign posters and trophies that meant nothing to anyone but the asshole who'd won them.

Looking back now, Sadie couldn't understand why she cared so much. Maybe she hadn't discovered herself; maybe she hadn't learned to love herself yet, but back then, she cared. She cared too much about what everyone else thought of her.

There were gay men, sure. A few of them. But unlike shows and television, the social infrastructure of the school was progressive enough that they got along splendidly with the rest of the student body. Maybe they had their own experiences, took shit from people on occasion. Maybe their lives were a living hell, and she just never saw the shadows that all that sunlight cast.

But for the most part, the gay boys she knew were loved.

Strangely enough, it was the girls who got the real shit. Bi girls were hardly validated. The society within those walls only saw straight girls, looking for attention. Skanks, just in it for the boys. In it for the eyes.

Lesbians? They were myths. Most of them just like her: hiding in the masses.

Sadie never felt that kind of discrimination, because she feared the thought too much. And when rumors of her crept along the grapevine, it was Jaylin holding her hand, walking her to class, hanging onto her the way all the other boys hung onto all the other girls; playing the part so she could come out on her own terms, in her own time.

Jaylin was her fake boyfriend until she found her footing.

She'd taken it for granted. All that time in Europe and she didn't call once. She didn't text him; she didn't even think about him. She was too lost in her own world to even consider how shitty his own life could be. Too invested in Kat and then too invested in the heartache that came after.