Six Times Yassen Tries to Kill Ian and One Time He Succeeds (and other stories)

Six Times Yassen Tries to Kill Ian and One Time He Succeeds

A/N. Warning: some bad language, an obvious main-character death, and a lot of references to death.

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Method 1: Poison

"I've been told to kill you," said Yassen.

"Right," said Ian, handing him some money over the counter of the ice cream parlour. "Soon?"

Yassen cleared his throat. "I'm working on it," he said. He dragged the scoop up through the Rum 'n' Raison and pressed it down onto the cone. "Syrup?"

"No thanks," said Ian. "I'm on a diet."

"Are you sure?" asked Yassen. "You could make an exception."

"No thank you," said Ian. "Not getting fat like my brother."

"It's strawberry," said Yassen. "Your favourite."

"I hate strawberry," said Ian. "Did John tell you that?"

The assassin looked shifty. "Maybe," he said.

"Well, that info's ten years out of date," said Ian. "And, anyway, it wasn't strawberry syrup. It was jam."

"Do you want jam?" said Yassen.

Ian just gave him a blank look.

"In any case," said Yassen, "we haven't got any jam. It's an ice cream parlour. You'll just have to make do."

"With syrup?"

"With syrup."

"..."

"Strawberry syrup."

"..."

"In case you were wondering."

"I wasn't."

"In case."

"I wasn't."

"Suit yourself."

Ian walked off.

The woman behind him stepped up to the counter. "I'd like strawberry please," she said, and then added, "with syrup."

Yassen looked at her, coldly. He dragged the scoop slowly up the strawberry and pressed it into the cone. "We have maple, chocolate or hazelnut," he said.

The woman blinked. "What happened to the strawberry?"

Yassen glared at her and didn't answer.

...

Method 2: House fire

(A/N – a chip pan is the same as a deep fat fryer. They are one of the main causes of house fires in the UK.)

"Yassen," said Ian. He put down the cheese grater and the mature cheddar, and stared irritably at the assassin hanging halfway through the kitchen window.

"Hm?" said Yassen, nonchalantly, as if this was an everyday occurrence.

Ian sighed. "Quit the job?" he asked.

"They didn't approve of my methods," said Yassen, manoeuvring himself awkwardly over the hard metal frame and nearly knocking over the bin.