𝕆𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕤 | 𝐒𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤

I feel so guilty, you know

The funeral was hard. It's a funeral after all. I stood beside my mother and felt her weep. It was more than just hearing. I could feel her pain and I'm sure she could feel mine. It was unbearable for her in the last stages; she watched the man she used to dance with fall weaker and had to push him around in a wheelchair in the lowest moments of his life. I used to stand on his feet and skip around in the kitchen with him... a memory no person could ever forget. After the day of mourning, I spent the night with her in bed to hold her close and make the loneliness subside for a while.

I ended up staying with her for a week before I returned back to my school. I barely spoke to anyone in the time I was away, I'm sure they understood that I needed space to mourn and gather myself. It was Friday morning, I came home on the day our house was competing in a Quidditch match. Thankfully, I had a few minutes get to the stadium before the game start.

"Max!" A girl called out as I ran as fast as I could to get there on time. I stopped, almost falling over a rock to look at who it was. To my surprise, It was Lorri Baker, Jack's younger sister. She was only 13 but she was very mature for her age and just as smart as her brother.

"Hey, you! You on the way to the game?" I sniffed, the cold air making my nose rose. Christmas, well Winter, was on the way!

"Yeah, Jack was wondering when you'd get back! Want to sit with us this time?" She took my hand and swung it back and forth as we continued the way to the pitch,

"I've got to support my team monkey! I will when Ravenclaw play in 3 weeks. Promise" We got to the pitch and parted way, waving as we headed in opposite direction to get to our house stands. I heard the roar of students, cheering for their teams as the game began. I run up what felt like a neverending maze of stairs up to the Gryffindor stands and stood at the top, looking around for my gathering. I spotted Remus' mop of sandy brown hair jumping up and down, cheering on his best friends.

"REMUS!" I called over the screaming, hoping to get his attention. He whipped around, grinning as he saw me. Turning back around, he must have announced that I was home because I saw the bobbing of a little redhead weaving in and out of students.

"Max! MAX!" Lily screeched, tackling me into a hug and a thousand questions "Are you okay? How's your mum? I hope you're feeling more at ease? Everyone's missed you! Even Mar was wondering if you're okay"

"Shhh, one at time Lil" I chuckled in her embrace, taking a swift kiss on the cheek with pleasure. I joined everyone, hugging them and trying to get myself in a better spirit. I was still struggling to keep happy through out the day but distractions were all I needed. I was really quite nervous about seeing or talking to Sirius after that night of us confessing that we were friends. It was going to be weird to be talking to each other out in the open... most of all I was nervous to talk to him because we used to talk about my dad a lot.

"IT'S GREEN!" I heard the screech of James as he flew by, pointing me out to who could only be Sirius. I was greeted to with a child like grin of pure excitement. I hadn't seen him this smiley since... well... ever! That boy knew how to smile but never had he looked as if he was going to explode. I watched him wave ever time he flew passed, giggling and waving back.

I felt a hand intertwine with mine and a gentle squeeze. I looked at Alice but she remained facing forward and watching the game.

"I feel so guilty, you know..." she started, not caring that she had to shout a little because of the noise. I didn't speak. I wanted to hear what was on her mind and give her my full concentration. "... Of course I had no idea that at the time I said those things you were actually friends with him. I'm just shocked that I was so stupid naive... part of me, like James, just enjoyed you and him arguing! It's funny and you two make everyone laugh." She chuckled, shaking her head. I smiled and chuckled along

"Sirius told us some stories while you were away.... I had NO IDEA you could play piano! It goes to show maybe he does know you better than us and we've been your best friends since we started here..." she pouted, finally looking at me.

"How's Jack?" I asked, my mind kept drifting to him since I hadn't seen him since the day I left for the funeral. He offered to go with me and so did Sirius so naturally I said no to both to avoid anything being awkward and causing arguments. I felt awful saying no to Sirius though because I had promised he would meet my father.. but meeting him that way wasn't what I wanted.

"He's fine! Missing you of course. He's hung around with us whilst you were away. Jack and Remus got on like a house on fire... Jack and Sirius however..." A gust of wind shot by us, the chasers flying by at the speed of lightening. The conversation was momentarily paused, our minds drifting back into the focus of our team playing. I looked over at the Ravenclaw stands beside ours and caught Jack's bearded face in the crowd. His eyes were bright and shiny, a smile so dazzling that it could charm you into anything. He really was perfect... perhaps a little to perfect for someone as broken as me. He saw me and gasped, grinning like he had saw light for the first time. I grinned a waved back. My stomach, however, churned into a feeling that could only be described as subconscious guilt. But what for? What was there to be guilty about? Had I done something to provoke that feeling then yes the feeling would make sense yet my mind couldn't come up with one... other than my friendship with one of my best friends looking more than platonic to a stranger.

It was a friendship I thought a lot about since my week away. A friendship I cared about a lot more than I thought I did. In your lifetime they say you end up having 3 soulmates. They don't always have to be the one you end up with... but that certain boy was in the top list of people I would run for the rest of my life for and yet I have no valid explanation why... life will just make that decision for you.