Tranquility In Subtle Disorder

Chapter One

The brunette, fluffy haired little boy wipes the paint off of his hands; "there you go.." he gives a small smile to the little girl after he finishes helping fix her finger painting. "Thanks, Xavier." She responds, smiling back. Xavier stands up and goes to sit back down in front of his painting. Sitting next to him, he turns to Raymon. "Why do you always have to be so mean?" He says in a sad tone, looking into Raymon's bitter blue eyes. Raymon shrugs, trying his best to ignore Xavier all together. Xavier sighs as everyone carries on with their day.

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Raymon shoved the door open, walking into detention. He drops his coat by the chair he roughly sits in and immediately slouches back into it, looking like a knock-off John Bender, almost. He gets comfortable, and right when his chaotic mind was about to drift off, he snaps his attention to the door that's opening. His eyes slightly widen in surprise once he sees who comes through it. "Xavier Quillin??" Xavier smirks and nods as he sits down. "It's him." Raymon huffs and smirks, "What the hell happened to you?"  Raymon hasn't seen Xavier since he disappeared. He has been absent from school for months now, but he came back on Friday, a school day Raymon decided to skip.
Xavier was an outgoing, humorous and popular boy growing up. He never failed to make people laugh, and he was very nice, which is what made him so loved. Always so cheerful. But now that he's older, all of a sudden something changed. Noticeably there was an event that occurred in Xavier's life that caused him to disappear from school, but no one knows what that event was. His style went from an average schoolboy's outfits, to now saggy ripped jeans, hoodies and worn in sneakers. Even in his face you can see such change. His eyes are surrounded by dark circles caused by a lack of sleep, his expression is tired, his skin is pale from lack of sunlight. In comparison to how he used to be, he looks a mess. "Nothing happened to me. I'm better than ever." He responds sarcastically to Raymon. Raymon chuckles, as he enjoys sarcasm. "Well correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems you've become emotionally lost?" Xavier hesitates, but nods. "You could say that." - "congratulations." Raymon responds with a deprived smile on his face. "I think we should catch back up once we're out of this shit hole, yeah?" - Xavier gives a small smirk as he's staring down at his desk, lost in depressive thought. "...sure." Raymon writes his number down and hands it over to Xavier. Raymon clicks his tongue as he gives a cool guy kind of nod, smirking at him. Xavier takes the tiny piece of paper, looking at Raymon. He keeps a blank face, holding the piece of paper in his hands as he looks down and sighs.
'The pretty boy goes depressed. I've been waiting for this to happen, and I believe now it finally is.' Raymon thinks with a subtle smile on his face.
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Xavier Texts Raymon; "hi."
Raymon: "Xavier?"
Xavier: "yes."
Raymon: "hey man what's up"
Xavier: "you gave me your number, so i figured that meant you wanted me to contact you, right?"
Raymon: "yep yep" - "so let's hang out later today, can you do that?"
Xavier: "yeah I guess."
Raymon: "you guess?"
Xavier: "yes, I can do that."
Raymon: "alriight" - "I'll come over around 4 or smthn"
Xavier: "right. See you then."
Raymon: "l8r"
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Raymon ties the laces of his grungy blue converse before standing up and getting his skateboard. He walks out of his room, out of the house, and skates down the street to Xavier's place. He skates down the dim lit asphalt street, the calm blue, pink and purple sky grips the unsettlingly calm surrounding scenery as it surrounds his mind and every inch of his withering being. He turns his chin up to face the depressively poetic, cool colored autumn sky, soaking in every inch of its details as he breathes. With the first inhale his eyes slowly close. He feels the wind on his face, his fingers faintly sting with numbness. He acknowledges his unfortunate existence. The wind wraps his body before drifting off, letting another breeze do the same. Almost symbolic to all those who he used to love. Here a moment, gone the next. Never to be seen, felt or heard again. Every thought of philosophy, emotion, memory and suicidal sentence is carried through the bitter wind. He passes kids playing on the side of the street. He admires them for the moment he can, admiring their carefree, unharmed spirit of peace and joy. 'I wish I could go back to when I was young. Ignorant and worry free. At that age, I didn't care about being right. I didn't live in a constantly aching feeling of needing to find a way to be happy.. a way to forget. Hell, a way to exist without my insides feeling like they're rotting.. when I was young I never had 10 different variations of a suicide note hanging in my head at almost all times... then, I was young. I was happy. I could genuinely enjoy the moments of fun I experienced, instead of just wasting them away by thinking of how much I'm going to miss the opportunity... my mind was clear, unharmed... as they say; Ignorance is bliss..' Raymon thinks. He lets out a deep, cold sigh as he attempts to clear his mind of the flood of thoughts hat had just rushed in. He feels a wetness in his eyes, a wetness that immediately goes cold from the bitter breeze. A moment right before the tears could get a chance to fall, he arrives at Xavier's home. He gets off his skateboard and before walking toward Xavier's door, he sniffles and wipes his eyes with his long sleeves. He steps up the white based, wooden topped steps, onto the warm tone wood front porch, that has many potted plants around. He raises his hand to knock on the door, but right before he could, Xavier opens it. Raymon flinches slightly. "..hi." Xavier says calmly to Raymon. "Uh, hey.." Raymond responds. They sit in silence for a moment, Xavier chuckles and Raymon does the same. Xavier motions him in. "Thanks." Raymon says as he walks in.

"Can I got you anythi-"

Raymon cuts him off, "cut the bullshit, Xavier."
He chuckles; "seriously, what happened to you?"
Raymon sits on his couch, glancing around at the dim, quiet and empty home.

Xavier sits by him. "Stuff."

"Stuff? What kind of stuff?"

Xavier looks at him suspiciously. "Serious stuff. That I don't trust you knowing just yet."

Raymon let's out a small sick and desperate laugh "oh, serious stuff. SUPER SERIOUS stuff. Your feelings."

Xavier huffs and purses his lips. "Y-yeah. So?"

"So, you can trust me with that. I mean, it's obviously not like I haven't ever had my feelings broken too."

Xavier exhales deeply and looks at Raymon with a subtly sad look. "Really...?"

"Really." He responds reassuringly.

".....She left me... 3 years of my heart being tied to hers, and one day she decided to just leave me.. I was shocked and hurt. I-... I don't know..." Xavier looks down, with a genuinely hurt and broken look on his face. A kind, happy boy like him isn't used to pain like this. Not like Raymon is used to it. Raymon scoots over and gives him a one armed side hug. "I know the feeling far too well..."
Xavier quietly cries, leaning on Raymon.

"The feeling of being totally, completely lost. Empty, broken, confused.. and then, there they are. Someone you feel comforts you. That- that little dream come true. You can look into their eyes, hold their hand, and nothing matters anymore. You can speak your heart to them, all your troubles, and they pretend to care.. they pretend to listen.. they comfort your pity with their 'kind' words of 'love'. And there you are, a weeping heart, convinced... Convinced that this is where you're supposed to be... with them..."
Raymon closes his watery eyes and lowers his head.

"I was convinced..." Xavier says sadly.

"....me too.." Raymon replies.
He sniffles, chocking up a little bit; "and once they leave, you're left.. left stunned.. stunned as you watch your dream, your love, your best friend, your baby, your hope, your-" he chokes up "your everything  walk away from you..."

Xavier hides his face in his hands and cries.
Raymon sniffles, breathing slightly heavy, overwhelmed by all this, just as Xavier is.

"I never thought I'd ever hurt this bad.. I thought I knew what sadness was before all this, but-... but I was wrong.." Xavier says through his tears.

Raymon sighs.
"C-can I show you something?" Xavier looks up at Raymon with teary, broken eyes.
Raymon nods.
Xavier pulls down his sleeve to show deep cuts, Xavier looks at them as he shows Raymon, and he lets out a small sob.
Raymon sighs and wipes his eyes before pulling down the collar of his loose shirt to show even deeper cuts on his shoulder. They sit in silence with their wounds exposed.. their minds filled with bitter thoughts.

Raymon stops crying, his eyes dry.
"...life is just a depressing beauty." he chuckles with emptiness.