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hey

um

this is more like one big thing

because there's so much flying through my head right now

floating around like

lights?

some thought are just flickers

others are broad and blinding

and i just feel like i need to

clear the air

right now im listening to

he is we

and oh boy

firstly

i really miss you too, snow

luisa??

i should be over myself

over

you

but telling myself that over and over

im really just cornering myself

i said this before already

but i really need to empathize

when i was with you

it was

thrilling

and even at the time we don't recognize it

every moment was a magnet

drawing us closer and closer than we already were

everything was going fast

but in a good way

now im

still

watching everything hurl by me

others hitting me more than others

im between the past and the present and i don't feel

ok with it

like ever since i've deicded im

never

ever

coming back

i just

cry more often

sleep less

and stare at a wall for what seems like hours on end

but with a picture on it that you sent me

the one where were sleeping next to each other

and i just

love it so mcuh-

it's my favourite thing to look at now

like fuck you homework im busy

i really wished i couldve changed

i wish i just

could

because i want to talk to someone?

and i want that someone to be you

i want to pretend im holding you

and i want to pretend we're laughing, crying, or maybe even dying

but no matter what you're beside me