𝕆𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕤 | 𝐒𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤

Waking up slowly...

Back to the castle I went. I felt refreshed during the Christmas break, the piano competition clearing me of pain and grief. However, on that night my mother told me all about Sirius and then moments after, an owl from him arrived. I read his letter, then I read it again... and again .. and again. It was a guilt trip but he was right! I've got to get myself straight about Jack but I refuse to believe that I've lost some feeling for him because of Sirius.

I cried myself to sleep that night, stressed out about what I felt. But after the New Years was over and I was back on the train home, I had a remarkable realisation. In my hands were two gifts. In the Right was the present from Sirius, in the left was from Jack. I found on the ride up there I barely held Jacks and I was clinging Sirius' for dear life.

"You want my honest opinion?" A voice appeared from the door as the train trudged along. The gentle and slightly bashed up face of Remus smirked at me. He walked in and slide the door shut. "Why did you start dating Jack?" Remus put plainly, taking the presents out of my hands and onto the seat next to him so I could get a better look.

"He understood me with certain things, for example; we had a mutual dislike for Marlene... which no longer exists on my side. Ooo! We both love Arithmetic questions.... uh, he's good for intellectual convos..."

"Okay... but how does he make you feel?" Remus tried again.

I was silent. The more I thought about it, the more I realised he didn't give me butterflies or make me feel special. It just felt like a normal friendship.

"And what about your new found best friend?" I smiled suddenly. I looked at Remus with wide eyes, he clasped his hands together and looked smug. "I don't even have to ask you how he makes you feel. I knew that he hadn't been himself this year when we returned and when he told us all about you, it made sense. He hasn't been his normal cocky, annoying self. He's soft.... it's good though, he's growing up. All because of you, and for that, I'm glad he has you. However, Max, please don't run away because of one frightful incident. If everyone ran away because of one scary encounter, I'd have no friends. He will protect you, he does with me every month" Remus was the wise dad figure that everyone loves. He reminded me of my father which subsequently caused tears to form in my eyes. He rested his hand on my knee and smiled. I smiled back but looked back over at the gifts. A locket and a huge blanket with patches of my favourite muggle and wizard stuff.

---- //----

"You look refreshed. How was your Christmas? I got your gift, it's fantastic, I had been eying it up for weeks!" Jack rested his forehead against my shoulder, looking down at the book I had sent him.

"I'm glad you like it. I wasn't sure if it was the right one" I was quiet but was comfy with how we were. We sat in the room of requirements, a living room made up for us in which we sat on the carpet in front of the crackling fire. I stared at the dancing wicks, staring off into space.

"You're not wearing my gift to you..." He pointed out, pushing my hair over his shoulder to look at my bare neck. His locket was beautiful, but it felt wrong for some reason. He sat up, staring at my orange lit cheek from the reflection of the fire. "You're in love with him aren't you" His deep voice sighed. I didn't dare look at him in fear I would burst into tears.

"Why wou-"

"I saw him on the platform introducing himself to your mother. We never talk about your family or our interests... but school! It's always about school! I didn't see you over Christmas either and yet all your friends, including him, did! I had no idea that you were playing the piano that night, let alone know that you could! And.... he knows everything about you. You may not see it but I watch him every time he's next to you and he looks at you as if you're the only person he's ever seen before...." Jack's voice would crack every now and then, clearly, he was more upset that I thought he would be.

I had yet to speak, hearing all the things wrong with us set me off in tears, silent but painful.

"Do you even love me?" He laughed slightly, unsure of why he was there. I nodded, frantically, finally looking at him as a tear fell. "and what about him?" I nodded again, biting my lips.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" I whispered, looking back at the fire. I never planned on falling in love with Sirius. Heck, I never even planned on meeting him! He just found me and never left me alone and I couldn't imagine being alone without him again.

"I'm sorry too. But, I'm not going to be that guy that screams and shouts at you, calling you horrid names because it won't change the fact that you don't love me that way anymore. I'm going to go... thank you though, for being honest about it" He leaned forward and kissed my forehead before he upped and left me alone.

It was a stange sensation, it felt like I was waking up slowly from a dream that I had no idea I was dreaming about. I laid back and pulled out the blanket from my bag and wrapped myself in it, leaning back against the sofa. I felt wrapped up in him, staring at the fire and I cried again. I couldn't decide if it was a sad cry because I broke up with him or if it was happy relieved cry because my head didn't hurt anymore....

Because I knew what I wanted.