Love

Love, how come it can be the best thing in life,

heal peoples wounds but yet it can be

The destroyer of someone else's soul.

Falling in love with someone is one of the greatest gifts in life

But when you fall too hard and too fast for someone

Who doesn't give a shit about you.

That is when it destroys your soul.

Okay, lets start at the beginning.

You meet at school, you accidentally bump into him in the empty hallway, you were too distracted by your phone to look where you're going.

You look up and you realize he was on his phone too.

He makes an awkward joke about both of you on your phone, you give a light chuckle and both of you continue on your ways.

You knew his name, of course you did your usual and found his Instagram.

Followed... he followed you back and you get a direct message from him

"Heyy, were you the girl I bumped into in the hall?"

You respond almost instantly

"haha yea, I was distracted by my phone sorry"

"its alright, it was partly my fault anyway"

You get a notification on your phone saying he added you on snapchat.

10 days go by. You guys talk as most as you possibly can, you have a lot of similar interests, have good conversations, you have a bad day and by the time you fall asleep you fall asleep with a smile on your face, even after you had the worst day after it made it much better by just being himself.

You take the courage to call him cute, you didn't really mean it but you thought why not

He calls you cute back, you freeze to make sure you read it right, then you scream and throw your phone at your bed like any spooked girl would do.

You guys call each other cute back and forth for 2 days then mid conversation he drops out and screens you. You question it, he gives you a semi reasonable reason. You go along with it. Until that excuse he told you, he uses it for 2 days straight. You tell him your not gonna put up with his bullshit.

He gives another reasonable excuse and you have no reason to believe things are off with him. He consumes your mind, the compliments his given you, the fun conversations and the helpful tips he's given you. All of that circles in your mind for the entire day and you realize you've caught feelings. You thought it was just a meaningless flirting friendship to you but you were wrong...

Oh boy were you wrong.

You caught the feelings and you thought he did too.

I mean he gave you compliments, told you how much he loved talking to you. Sure, you Guys were only talking for two weeks but that was a long enough of time for both of you to feel things. You had found a new happiness in your life.

He made you happy... until he became your own little nightmare.

He didn't have to say much to make you cry.

Of course it wasn't just him ignoring.

It was you over thinking and being left, like everyone else.

He left you wondering for days, you would ask what you did so wrong that you deserve to be ignored and treating like nothing. He wouldn't say a word.

He would see what you said. And he would ignore.

So what do you do? You tell yourself

"i don't deserve this kind of treatment. I am not gonna chase after him like a puppy."

You give yourself that mindset. But the second you see his name pop up on your phone, you jump to it hoping nothing has changed and he still finds you cute and you continue with good conversations. But the opposite happens.

He sent you a black screen and that is when the realization hits you and that is when everything starts to fall.

The building of a friendship that could've been more was over.

You did not fall for him but you fell enough that it hurt.

You had the feeling of pure unwantedness, that you've felt from everyone your entire life, you didn't think he would add to the list of people, but of course you did. Why didn't you see this coming? What made you think he would be any different? Because you still believe in meaning full friendships and you still believe in love.

You keep letting your walls down for someone you think you should trust but they just take whatever you had and thrown away like it was nothing.

Why?

Because you meant nothing to him.

He has have plenty other people he wants in his life.

Taking whatever you guys had and getting rid of it didn't phase him.

Those conversations that left a smile on your face, never changed his emotion.

If he suddenly wants to pick things up from where he left it you will agree right away and you'll justify what he did to you and forget that he's done that.

You'll remember how he hurt you the first time when he does it again.

When he abandons you

Hurts you

Makes you cry

Makes you feel unwanted

All over again

At some point you'll stop letting people in.

But for now

You're gonna keep letting yourself get hurt over and over again.

Until that one day comes. And you stop.

You'll cut everyone out of your life.

And truly know.

You are unwanted.