Alone [Kano Shuuya]

Alone

It was dark outside. Not even the moon illuminated the city and the streetlights seemed to only glow dimly through the night. An eerie silence fell upon the streets. Not a single soul was out there on a night like this. Albeit it was not completely true. The sound of footsteps echoed through the abandoned roads. However, the atmosphere became even worse trough the hushed sound. It was like a scene from a horror movie. The moment before a jump scare would have happened.

I skipped down the quiet street, not bothered by the silence at all. After all, I did like nights like this one the most. Only right now was I able to be myself. However, the question, who or what my true self really was, arose in me. It was hard to tell after "wearing a mask" most of the time. And I did prefer to be alone whenever I took my mask off. I didn't want anyone close to me to see how I really felt; what my true emotions were.

So although midnight was long gone, I wasn't in a hurry to head home. But what even is "home"? A place, where we hide from the world and pretended that everything was alright? A gang? Friends? Family?

I wasn't able to tell anymore. Since they knew nothing they were able to continue their life with a blissful ignorance. They didn't need to bother with what was really happening. And for me? I put on a fake smile every day, I let them think I was just goofing around when in reality I hid the pain of knowing more than them.

They didn't know how exactly Ayano died. Why she died. They didn't know why it was the best for us to move out of "dads" house. Why it would have been too dangerous to stay. But I knew. I was present when it all went down. And I was playing along with it to keep them safe.

You could say, that in some way I played the role of the traitor. After all I was the one who worked for the one who wanted us dead. I was the one who gave them hints that would ultimately lead them into the trap and into despair.

Sighting, I continued walking down the street while the world around me became darker and darker. It shocked me for a moment, when I realised that my feet already knew the way and went on without hesitation.

As I had nothing better to do, I began thinking about them again. I was their brother. They were my family and still I was betraying them. I was betraying myself. I no longer knew what was right or wrong. I was useless. I was weak. Maybe I could've saved her if I would have been stronger. But I was deceiving myself right now. I knew myself, that the only role I could play, was the one of the traitor. The one who was deceiving them the whole time.

My train of thoughts was interrupted as I stopped in front of a tall building. I hadn't even realised that I was already here. Everything around me seemed to be completely dark. No streetlights illuminated the yard and the black building hovered menacing, like a snake waiting for its prey, in front of me.

Not thinking how anxious and afraid I was I slowly but steadily walked towards the building and entered it hesitantly. Every time I went to this place, I wondered why the door was always open. However, it was probably its doing.

I walked through the dark and silent corridors, the only sound was that of my footsteps and the closer I get to my destination another sound joined me. The cynical voice inside my head, who always told me what a failure I was, had appeared.

What are you even trying to pretend? Do you really think they would still call you their family if they knew what you were doing behind their backs? Would they ever forgive you? Can you even call them your family anymore? They know nothing. They do not know what you have endured. What kind of monster you became.

It voiced all my doubts. One after another.

Would it not be better to just let go? To forget them? To make a world, where you do not have to lie to them; to tolerate them. After all, they caused you nothing more than grief.

"Shut up! I will never abandon them!"

I tried to scream, even though it was nothing more than a whisper. The voice chuckled and vanished into the back of my mind, leaving me alone with nothing more than my thoughts.

However, before I was able to dwell on its words for too long my feet stopped in front of the large staircase heading to the floor below. My destination. I walked down the metal spiral staircase trying to be as quiet as possible, although I knew the degree wouldn't matter. However, as soon as my feet stepped down the last stair I was face to face with its grin.

"You are quiet early today. Didn't you want to stay with that precious little family of yours? Well it doesn't matter right now, does is?"

Its grin got even wider, implicating his not so human nature even if it looked like one. I didn't answer and focused on the floor beneath me. I did not want to be here but I had to. I had to keep them save.

I felt its hand on my chin forcing me to look into his eyes.

"Welcome home, my little deceiver."