how one night we were laughing and talking. I fell for your voice, the way you talked. you, supposedly, fell for my eyes and the innocent smile that played across my lips.
the next you were drinking away your thoughts and I was alone, in the dark, for the first of many times.
~~~
its funny how one day you made me feel special, and that was enough for me.
and how the next I had finally had enough of letting you isolate me from the world and people who really did give a fuck.
~~~
i find it fucking hilarious how i believed you wouldn't flake out, that you weren't a fucking disgusting human being no matter how many people had shown me proof you were.
~~~
you. you, were supposed to be different. That was the plan. You had your way with words, made me feel special, and easily had me hanging off every word. by the time you got to me, my eyes weren't so bright, and my smile was far from innocent, but you still thought they were beautiful. You made me feel like I wasnt in the dark, but instead under a spotlight, and at the time I was okay with the attention. You made me feel special, and you did an absolute beautiful job making me believe I was enough to be cared about.
but in the end you were even worse than the rest put together. And you still continue to be, the star of my nightmares of taking my life and health for granted, the person I trusted and loved most on this fucking planet but I wasn't enough. But the other girls and countless shots and cuts that lined your arms were all you needed and you didn't give a shit about mine by then.
~~~
Your innocence, your optimism about the future gave me hope again. You'd help me turn my mind off for a while. Our endless conversations stopped the bleeding, and you wouldn't have it on your conscience of me crying myself to sleep, so you made sure i never did.
The only thing that went wrong was you weren't upfront, so when you left it didn't take long for that warmth you left to disappear.
~~~
how one day, you were introducing me to your dad as "the girl you fell in love with.
Not even a week later you were reminding me how I should kill myself and that I'm better off dead.
~~~
