Rat Race

Part 1

Ant and Dec are always aware that some people are critical of them and their jobs - jobs which, to be fair, they often can't quite believe they've got themselves. They've often said, with perfect honesty, how much they love doing what they do, and how lucky they are to get to go to work with their best pal every day. But sometimes, they do get a little ruffled by the criticisms that they've got an easy job - yes, they love it, but occasionally there are times when their job feels anything but easy.

Take BGT, for example. Yes, they get the bonus of watching loads of fun variety performances, and they hang out with each other and people they really like - but they also get up really early, work very long hours, and go to bed later too, only for the cycle to repeat every day throughout auditions and then again for the live shows. They also do a huge amount of filming, not all of which actually makes it to air: the cameras are on them all day, but their footage gets cut a lot for the audition shows. They also film many links which never see the light of day either - it's the nature of the business. Still, some of those links involve a little more hardship than others, and have worse consequences, such as a link filmed in Edinburgh back in 2012.

It was the first day of the auditions up in Scotland, and the director had decided to take advantage of the creaky theatre they were using to film a link about the number of spooky acts that had turned up in Edinburgh. They were initially going to film the link in one of the city vaults, or down in Edinburgh Dungeons, but then the theatre manager had said they actually had some disused vaults they could access in the theatre itself. She warned the team it would be a bit dusty and cramped - but, for a thirty second link, they thought it would be ideal.

The gag involved Dec leaping into Ant's arms at the glimpse of a ghost, which they rehearsed a couple of times upstairs before descending into the gloom. The vault really was dusty, and both boys coughed as they entered the musty space. Dec shivered at the cold, and Ant frowned in concern. "We won't be long," he assured him. "No chance of you catching a chill in three minutes."

Of course, it wasn't just three minutes, but it wasn't much longer than ten, either. The first take was aborted due to a technical fault. The second take was useless, however, because just as Dec was about to play scared and leap into Ant's arms, Ant let out a genuine high-pitched shriek of his own. "What is it?" Dec asked, worried, only to yelp a little himself when Ant pointed at it - a rat, perched in the corner of the room, looking fairly terrified.

"I see now why you two wouldn't be any good at the I'm A Celeb trials," their cameraman, Guy, mocked them good-naturedly. "Right, if that creature doesn't motivate you to nail this shot, nothing will!"

Sure enough, the next take was perfect, better than, even, thanks to the general twitchiness the two lads were exuding due to their whiskery audience. They hightailed it out of there to get on with the audition process in double time, and soon forgot about the experience.

Five days later, after three days of auditions and then a brief stopover to see their families in Newcastle, they were being driven home to Chiswick, settling down for the evening of travel in the back of their chauffered van. They chatted for a while, then as the sky turned dark they grew quieter. Ant fiddled with his phone for a bit, checking his emails and texts and replying to a few things on Twitter. Dec gave up much earlier than he did and turned to the window, curling up a bit and looking like he might drop off to sleep. Dec always slept better than Ant did - he could nap pretty much anywhere, in any position, while Ant took a while to drop off even in his own bed, let alone sitting upright in their van, comfy though the seats were.

When he finally put his phone down, though, and his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, he frowned to see that Dec wasn't asleep, and was in fact rubbing the bridge of his nose while at the same time pressing his forehead against the cool glass of the window, his face tight and pinched. "Declan?" he said quietly. "What's up?"