september 5, 2016
first day of sixth grade, seemed to be going amazing. my eleven year old self was amazed by all the new people, places, and things. my day was fantastic..until i saw you. why? why were you so perfect. i fell into a trap that i couldn't get out of. i told my friends i liked you, and they told you. i felt so alone, like you weren't going to like me back. until.. you asked me to be your girlfriend, no doubt best day ever. i was filled with joy, happiness, excitement. my very first boyfriend. "wow, first day of school..went, great" i just kept saying to myself. i had no words. i was so attached. within the hour.
october 5, 2016
happy one month!! i couldn't believe how fast the time went by. you were my everything. you meant so much to me. but you, broke up with me. you thought i liked your best friend. and you just cut me off. on our one month mark? wow! what a douche!! i decided to not date anyone, i was only eleven to be fair. but letting you go? that was too hard. i still loved you. and i was so, so upset.
october 20, 2016
here we are again. you asking me out, saying "give me another chance, please!!" me being me, i did. what a horrible mistake. the way you treated me gave me depression, anxiety, and worst of all... insecurities. i started starving myself, wearing make up, letting you cat call on my looks. i wasn't me anymore. i was who you wanted me to be. i started being a bitch to everyone around me. i started staying to myself. i had close to no friends, but you liked it that way didn't you? you liked watching me suffer. you liked my struggle. but you didn't like me.
november 17, 2016
my twelfth birthday!! you gave me an adorable stuffed animal, and thank you! but that was it. no "i love you". no hugs. not even a fucking text message to wake up to. how do you think that made m feel? upset? try disappointed. to anyone reading this, no..i wasn't disappointed in him that he wasn't treating me the way i dreamed, i was disappointed i was staying with him.
december 25, 2016
i broke up with you. i had the guts to. it made me happy. i wasn't in a terrible relationship anymore. i felt, alive for the first time in months.
june 22, 2017
i haven't talked to you in such a long time. probably a good thing? right damoni? no. i missed you and liked you more then ever. problem? you were dating my best friend. she broke up with you and you came back to me. i fell for it. i said yes, and i loved you. "he'd always been the one for me" i told myself. time passed, nothing happened. everything was good. a normal relationship. yah i was keeping it from my parents. but i was so in love.
july 4, 2017
first kiss, except not with him. no, i didn't kiss back. and no, i didn't like it. i told you what happened. you couldn't understand. you honestly thought i cheated on you. worst feeling i've ever had. i broke up with you, again. i didn't want the stress. so instead of facing the problem i ran away from it.
july 15, 2017
goodbye cape cod! i went to utah, best time ever. then to wyoming, favorite experience ever. i went to idaho, funniest place ever. the rest of my summer was looking up, making me happy. i was completely over you damoni. to be honest, i liked someone else, being the dipshit i am. i told him i liked him. "hey dan, i really like you." i said. then i got this back "oh, um cool". i knew i would never get to have him. i just knew it.
august 6, 2017
"why do you build me up? buttercup baby. just to let me down. and mess me around. and worst of all, you never call baby when you say you will. but i love you still!!". singing all the way from my home in wellfleet to camp takodah. we reached new hampshire, so happy to be away from my life i walk into my cabin. and..well. nothing. no one talked to me. i was alone. anti social. no friends. "you'll become closer with them marina. i know you will!" said my mom as she drove away in our big white truck.
august 13, 2017
i was finally getting close with the girls in my cabin. one more week to go, the only thing making my life miserable was thinking about you dan. thinking about how fast you shot me down. i tried to get over you with other boys. i even started falling for damoni again. mind you, i was at camp. no phone. no communication to anyone.
august 18, 2017
last day of camp. lots of crying. lots of tears. sad. sad i wont see any of them again until a full year passes. i got into my car, checked my phone. immediately burst out in tears. damoni, i went on instagram..saw that you had a new girlfriend. it hurt..it hurt really bad. to know that someone i thought i'd always have finally moved on, but i was ok. i liked someone else. "im ok.".
august 20, 2017
harry thompson. where do i start, yes. i used you. but not in the way you think i did. i used you to get over dan, but started loving you in such a unique way. no, truth is. we never dated. even though everyone thinks we did. you started being rude though. and i decided to just be friends.
september 6, 2017
seventh grade here i come. i saw you harry. we hugged, i fell in love. we started talking more. and more. until, you broke my heart.
september 20, 2017
i met jordan. and gosh was he a lot to handle. he liked me though. and i liked him, he made me smile. maybe it was my brain getting rid of you. i can't be sure. but dan.. i still wasn't over you and i never will be. jordan made my days a living circus and i loved it. i loved him.
september 27, 2017
jordan asked me out. i said yes. he was my everything. but i still liked you dan. what a fucking whore i am. jordan, you were my world. thank you for everything you ever did.
october 17, 2017
jordan breaks up with me. i get depressed again. i get anxiety. i get more insecure. i start trying to be perfect once more. but i was done with you and i forgot all about you. forever.
october 27, 2017
dan. i was so attached to you again. we had a field trip. and i told you to your face, that i liked you. you told mack you liked me, but i didn't know. that night we were on face time. you asked me out. what?! "omg yes of course" i said. i couldn't get my head wrapped around it. you make me so happy!!
november 1, 2017
i couldn't be happier. you really are the perfect guy for me so thank you so much and i love you. i can't wait to make memories!!
november 3, 2017
after school i walked to the sparrow like i always do. and apparently while we were there you were walking towards me and i just walked away. you thought i ditched you. i felt so bad. you left the sparrow without even saying goodbye. i'm sorry. my mom came to come pick me and my friend jack up. we drove home and dropped him off. i got home and showered then went back over to jacks house. all we did was hang out. people thought otherwise though. people thought i cheated on you, dan. and you thought i did too, i didn't know until i got to rock night. i arrived with jack of course and everyone gave me shit. bullshit. i cried all night because everyone thought i cheated on you. i love you way to much to ever do that.
november 4, 2017
you text me bright and early to say sorry. and that you sill like me. of course i accepted your apology.
november 5, 2017
november fifth was yesterday. my favorite day. layla and i wanted to go to the mall. and specifically went to the providence place to hang out with you dan. it was fun. even though we barley talked, being around you was enough. your more then a dream, i love you. thank you.
